Jeff got up at 4:30 this morning to go ship cattle. He didn't ride a horse, he didn't drive a truck BUT he was out there. His fatigue is obvious now but he continues to keep on going. We made it to his appointment in Amarillo to get the packing removed from his nose (it's been in there 6 days - gag). It was slightly painful to have it taken out because it appeared to be stuffed up into his brain. But they got it and he feels SOOOO much better. The procedure must have worked because there is not much bleeding. There is some but nothing like before. By the time we left the dr's office Jeff said he was done. No more dr's and no more appointments. The simple procedure took too much out of him. But by this afternoon he told me to call the dr and make an appointment to see about getting radiation. That's how it is these days. Lots of highs and lows. He ebbs through the day on lots of pain medicine. So we will see about the radiation. I honestly don't know if he is strong enough to do it. If it has an debilitating side effects I know he won't do it. They made it sound like a quick zap - but we'll see what it really is. Jeff had major radiation 2 years ago at MD Anderson and it left him with some permanant damage and pain. We can't really imagine what this quick zap will be. I guess we will meet with the doctor and see what he has to say. I just want Jeff to have a quality of life for as long as he can. It's hard to make these kind of decisions. We're just taking it slow.
I've received so many questions about Jeff going into hospice. I know it's hard to believe. It is for us too. Yes, our dr has said that it seems to be the time to start that. Once we finish these treatments we will be seeking hospice care. They are the pain management specialists and they will know the best way to care for Jeff. Especially when it gets to a point when I can't. We don't look at it as something bad. We look at it as help and care and professionals who do this best. I am grossly unprepared to know anything about helping my husband die. So hospice is a welcomed choice for us. Please support us on our choice. But if you don't agree please don't tell me about it. Seriously. I don't want to hear it. Which of course means I've already heard it. And I can't use my energy listening to you disagree with me. It's not your choice. Hospice doesn't mean I want Jeff to die faster. It means I want Jeff to live longer and more comfortably and with all his dignity intact. Full of grace and love for his family and friends and surrounded by the people that love him best. Full of peace and acceptance and the love of his Lord. That's his wish.
Leta
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