Peace

Peace is a very thick subject.  Sometimes it's unobtainable and sometimes it flows so easily.  It's what Jeff and I struggle with a lot.  Mostly Jeff because he has so much more to accept.  I think it is something very important right now and I encourage him every day to have peace.
 Jeff worked hard today.  He shipped cattle today and I went out to check on the process and found Jeff on his favorite paint horse, riding straight and tall in his saddle.   He was in a pen cutting off cattle to be sold.  Cutting cattle on his favorite horse! Oh thank you God for that wonderful morning!  Luke was with him and our excellent cowboy, Sam. But you could tell Jeff was the man in charge.  I sat in the car and cried like a baby.  Luckily I took a picture and will have it forever - Jeff was riding up to the car and giving me a thumbs up.  That's my guy. He's tough and  he's still in the game.  He's still living and trying to enjoy the things that mean the most to him and I'm so glad he had a good day. 
You know what he said to me tonight?  He asked if I still believed in miracles and if I thought he would really be okay. Oh babe, it's my wish.  It's my wish for my true love to be beside me through out my life. And yes I believe in miracles.  But we also understand reality.
So after a very physical day Jeff is exhausted to the core.  We talked and he struggled just to stay awake at 6 o'clock tonight.  His emotions were very raw and we talked about peace again.  We talked about all of our blessings.  My cousin John taught me a lesson a few years ago that I share whenever I can.  Whenever you receive love and grace in your life, it is a ripple effect from all the love and grace you have put out into the world. I love that and hold on to it often.  It helps me accept all the grace.  I reminded Jeff of that.  We are receiving so much love it is indescribable.  I told Jeff that his life has been important.  He has been full of goodness and love to so many people that we are feeling all that love mirrored back to us today.  That calms us and lets us lean closer to peace.  We are leaning.  It's hard.  It's hard to want to live but accept death.  It's hard to die when you're young and strong and in your prime.  It's hard to die when you have a family and children.  It is so hard every damn day. It breaks my heart it is so hard. If there were an easy way out of this deal we would take it. We would opt out of this agony. But it doesn't have to be easy and we don't have to like it -  it is just how life works.  But I do think, I know, as Jeff approaches the end of his life he needs as much peace as possibly.  Peace that he has loved.  Peace that he has succeeded.  Peace that he has helped others.  Peace that we all are born and we all will die.  It is our constant prayer.
Please pray for my tough cowboy tonight.  He's tough but very vulnerable to all of his feelings.  Please pray that peace centers his soul as he takes this journey.  And please remember to always put all your peace and love and kindness out into the world.  It will always flow back.  Get ready today for all the grace you too will receive.  It will put you on your knees!

Love,
Leta