Tough

Jeff is hanging in there today. All the horrible symptoms have returned. Fever, bright red rash and 15 extra lbs of fluid. I think his pain is better managed this time and he hasn't had the hiccups. A lot of the time he is really out of it which I think is the most humane way to take this kind of chemo. As unaware as possible. But he will have moments of lucidness and wants to talk about everything going on. He is very aware of the seriousness of the situation. We often debate treatment or not. To undergo this with only 10% odds of a cure are sure enough reason to question treatment. But I want to tell you how tough Jeff Smith is. He's always been tough. Ironically his Daddy was chronically ill all of Jeff's childhood. He took on great responsibility at a very young age to work on their farm. He has always pushed himself physically and mentally to get the job done. No one I know works harder than Jeff! He put himself through college and was the first in his family to get a degree. He worked to get his family out of debt and also started his own business. We agreed this morning that he's "trained" his whole life for this moment, to be this tough. If anyone can do this it's Jeff. And he is going to do this. He's doing it for himself but also for me and Luke and Gracie and Jake. He's showing his kids how to take a bad situation and still give it your all.
Sorry to be so serious today. It's a hard day. Tomorrow I will tell you all the ways Jeff drives me crazy and how we are SO not perfect! Today we just had to feel a little of the gloom and doom.
Hanging in there,
Jeff and Leta