Our second wind yesterday lasted about 30 minutes. I was kidding myself that we would coast through the end. Things are very intense. Last night Jeff's rash got worse which makes him so uncomfortable. He officially hit 200 lbs and his kidneys are starting to show that they're working too hard. But the worst part for me is he is starting to hallucinate. He was so upset with me last night that I continued to park my car in our room. I couldn't convince him there was no car. He started to say some spooky stuff and I lost my mojo and had the big cry in front of three nurses. I'm sure they think I've lost my mind too. It was just so hard to see Jeff like that. He's usually my rock and so dependable and in charge. I just couldn't take it. Of course when the nurses came to check on him he said, "My name is Jeff and I'm 44 years old. I'm at BSA in the hospital receiving chemo." Huh! I guess he just saves all the crazy love for me. They called the doctor and he said hallucinations are common at this point in the chemo. So I'm looking forward to the next 36 hours. His last dose of Interleuken will start tonight and run 24 hours.
I'm very sad that I will miss Luke's first game tonight. I thought I might be able to go for a minute but it's now obvious I can't leave Jeff. Please cheer for the cowboys if you're in Happy tonight. #90 just shaved his head for his Daddy! I love that boy SO much. I told him the other night that it's no fair to go through adolecense the same time your Dad has cancer. He is really struggling. So if you can, try to get close enough to put some love on that 240 lb boy. He will resist!
A special thanks today for all my family and friends who have taken care of me and Jeff and the kids. It seems like an impossible task. We have so many needs and miraculously they are all being met. I'm very humbled to witness Gods love through so many people.
I'm going to drink a giant coffee and start my day. Here I go. Well I might watch the Today Show for a minute but then I'm going to get going, I swear!
Fraying at the ends,
Jeff and Leta (mostly Leta, Jeff is totally out of it)
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