Jeff went for a check up this morning and he wasn't doing well. He had lost 18 lbs since Friday. That is 8 lbs less than when he started. He was dehydrated and ended up getting some IV fluid and anti nausea meds. But we were able to do that at the dr's office and not have to go to the hospital. Which brings me to the subject of being a care giver. It's a tough job that I do not take lightly. I had been very aggravated with Jeff about him drinking enough. If I nag him too much to keep drinking and trying to eat he gets irritated with me and wants me to back off. But when I back off he doesn't drink enough and GETS DEHYDRATED. I can't win. Just because he has cancer doesn't mean we don't get on each others nerves. That is still the same.
The role of care giver is not entirely foreign to me, after all I am a mother. And I have taken care of Jeff all of our relationship. He likes me to do things for him. I blame his mother because she never taught him how to cook, clean, do laundry or make a bed. Thanks, Joy! You can't teach this old dog anything new! But I will also say that Jeff has taken care of me. He has worked so hard so that I could stay home and raise our kids. Somehow it's all even.
The difference is the fierceness of love and protection I feel for him. Jeff has always been the protector - not me. So that is a little new. I don't have any doubt or reservations when it comes to making sure he is getting the best treatment and care. My brother in law, Sean calls it "Dumbo's Mother Syndrome". You know in the Disney movie Dumbo, the mother elephant is very calm and sweet, so sweet, until they mess with her baby and then she goes ballistic! I wouldn't hesitate to go ballistic for Jeff Smith. I love that man whether he drinks enough fluid or not, whether he has cancer or not, whether he drives me crazy or not, til death do us part, I love him. And even if I complain I would never let anyone else do my job of taking care of him.
Exhausted,
Leta
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