We are trying to stay busy today. Jeff is at work and I'm on laundry detail. The weather has been gorgeous and we were outside a lot this weekend. The kids are showing lambs on Saturday at the Tri State Fair and we've been getting ready for that. We all went to church together yesterday and got to witness a beautiful baptism and watch Jake get his 3rd grade bible. It was all good!
We have received so many prayers and so much support. I tell everyone that we are so thankful for it all and it is truly sustaining us. Jeff and I talk about it all the time and we've also been in deep discussions about all the prayers. One thing we have learned is faith is very personal and I think we all do it differently. Because of cancer we have had to fine tune what we think and what we know about our faith. And of course it turns out that we do things differently than most.
We believe that we are all born onto this earth to love and serve one another. And we all will die. It's the part that's in the middle that gets complicated. So many things can happen during our lives to cause us to question our faith. Cancer, accidents that claim young lives, suicides. Those things are personal to my faith. But everyone has something. Why do babies and children die? Why did 9-11 happen? The list goes on and on. Jeff and I have spent so much time lately pondering the "why". And here's our conclusion. There is no answer that we can understand now. Maybe when we're in heaven we will have all the answers. But we KNOW that this is not a curse. Jeff did not deserve or undeserve this. This just is. I talked before about how our life has never been ordinary. It's been full of the highest highs and unfortunately some of the lowest lows. But what a blessing, really. Really! We have faith and we know that if we could hope this away, wish this away or pray it gone then HE WOULD BE CURED. It is not a lack of those things. And it will always be our daily prayer, Please Lord, cure Jeff of this cancer and let him live his life to feel good, work hard and watch his children grow.
But if Jeff dies of this disease it will not be because of anything we did or didn't do or said or didn't say or prayed or didn't pray. It will just be. And the outcome is already written. Although the thought of Jeff dying of cancer is not what we want it will NOT effect our faith. We will still give God all the glory for the blessings in our life. We always go back to our first affirmation. We are all born into this world to love and serve one another. It's not about us. And of course we're selfish and think sometimes that it is but that's not the reason we're here.
I hope this doesn't come across that we've given up because we haven't. I truly believe that if anyone can beat the odds it is Jeff Smith. I want him here with me. I want him here! We will do everything we can. And we will never give up hope.
We sang it at church yesterday and it means a lot today:
Lord, give us peace, and
Make us calm and sure.
That in thy strength we evermore endure.
Faithful servants,
Jeff and Leta
Oh, Leta. This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. It's full of such honesty. And very obviously, it came from your heart. I find it comforting that I'm not the only one who asks those "Why, Lord??" questions. I think that in our oneness as God's children, we all struggle with those questions (and none of us knows the answers). I guess if we have to live in the dark, at least we can do it together.
ReplyDeleteWe all fight our own unique fights, but like you said, when we set aside our selfish ways, we can help love, serve and fight for each other. I hope your burdens are light and you feel the love that is sent your way. Take care and tell your "babies" hello for me :) Molly
Oh!! And a joke for Jeff:
A cashier noticed a man routinely coming in to buy condoms. At first she didn't think much of it, but after seeing him more and more, she calculated that he was buying 3 dozen condoms a month!
She found herself embarrassed and a little appalled each time he came through her line. One day, she got up the courage to say something.
"Sir, I just can't help but notice all the condoms you're buying. Just what's the deal??"
"Oh," he said, "Well, yes, that must look odd. You see I feed them to my dog, and when he craps, it comes out in a little plastic bag."