Today has been a day. The only way to describe it is, I'm just so mad! We have been patient long enough and I'm finished with that. We never heard back from Dr. Patel yesterday so we called this morning. They still have not received our scans from MD Anderson. Jeff personally faxed a request and they were supposed to be over nighted on Wednesday. Guess what? They weren't. They were mailed out on Thursday regular delivery. Due to be here on Tuesday. So we called MD Anderson to see if they had recieved the scans Dr. Patel sent them. Well you can't just call MDA. A nurse did get back to me and said she didn't have the answer to any of my questions. By then I was in tears. We just want the July scans to be compared to the September scans to see how well the chemo is working. Is that too much to ask? Doesn't that seem logical? Dr Patel, if it was your wife would you demand the scans? After much back and forth the two doctors did communicate but neither one has both sets of scans. They decided a 3rd round of chemo is the best option. Jeff and I don't really know how we feel about that. Jeff is going to do it but it's a big step without having all the information. The chemo is so brutal. Dr Patel, would you take it if you didn't have exact answers about how well it was working? I want percentages and exact measurements. I learned how to do that math in jr high. Let's apply that to real life, now. Can you feel my fury? I've fantasized all day about challenging Dr Patel, Dr Hwu and the people in medical records at MDA to a fair game of dodge ball. I would LOVE to take someone's head off with a big, red, rubber ball! My nephew Jack could be on my team and we could take them out!
Reality....... kind of sucks. I am feeling frustrated and vulnerable when I should be hopeful and faithful. I want a normal life. A life where things are a little more fair and I don't cry so much. A life where my kids don't ask me why my face is sad and we all go a whole day without worrying about anything. Okay enough pity for me. We will start chemo on Monday. We are blessed to have my parents staying with our kids. They get bacon every morning for breakfast. Can you imagine? It's beautiful fall weather. We got about an inch of rain. Jeff is planting wheat and I know that makes him happy. He's been at work since this morning. I know that will give him a mental boost to put in a full day of work. Football tonight, fair tomorrow and basketball tournament on Sunday. Busyness will keep us moving!
Still so mad,
Leta
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