We are just here. That's all. Nothing else. This round of chemo has done a lot of damage, to Jeff's body and also to our hearts. Jeff is really starting to look like he's sick. For so long he still looked healthy. Chemo has robbed him of that. He is bald, thin and frail. I remind him everyday that all the symptoms he is experiencing are from the treatment, not the disease. Its still a lot to take. He has not bounced back this time. I hate to see him this way. It breaks my heart. He has started an antibiotic for a possible sinus infection and he seems to have more energy today. I hope he's on the way back up. We see the dr tomorrow so we will have more answers soon.
We don't know when his next scans are or his next round of chemo. And we don't care. We don't talk about it or worry about. I think we are pretending those things in our future don't exist. And that protective move is helping us cope. Denial is working for us right now.
We have also slept a lot lately, the whole family. I'm not sure why but it's all we want to do. Usually Jeff sets the pace and things move fast and there is minimal time to sleep. But since Jeff is down we are still taking his lead. We cannot sleep enough. Is it because we are weary from all this or are we trying to hibernate through all the grief? Crazy how our brains work!
We will keep you posted on what the dr says and how Jeffs blood counts are. He's ready to stop wearing the mask and he'd secretly love to be around people. He wants to go to church and to a football game to watch Gracie cheer or watch Luke play. I hope he can do those things this week.
Thanks for all the love and support and food! They are still sustaining us.
Quietly,
Jeff and Leta
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