It is Well with My Soul

It is well with my soul but I'm not quite sure about my heart. The kids and I are missing Jeff. And that doesn't begin to describe it. And I won't even try. I will say that we are okay. We are doing our best to deal with our new life. I think the word that describes us best at this time is numb. We cannot believe that he is gone. He is still all around us and objects that represent him give us a false sense that he is just at work and will be home soon. His boots are still by the back door and we can see his pick up out by the barn. His pictures are everywhere and we talk about him everyday. Sometimes in the past tense and sometimes still in the present. We are cutting the corn that he was here to plant and we are shipping cattle that he bought and cared for. I heard him the other day but it was Luke talking. I saw him the other day but it was Jake as he turned his head. His temperament is alive and well in Gracie as she protests all of this. So he is still with us and that calms us and shatters us. But one thing we know is that he is in Heaven and obviously has had some input on the weather. We joked about that before he died. He was going to get right to work on our Texas drought as soon as he could. So really the 3 1/2 inches of rain were not a big surprise. He got all his wheat planted early for a reason. The love and support from our family, friends and community continue to lift us up. I witness it every day as I see my children being cared for. Happy, Texas has produced a special kind of goodness and grace. And it was a true blessing to watch it grow and spread this past week. I think it is a lesson for all of us. We are all here on this earth to serve and take care of one another. And when we do that, it creates moments that are "just right". It's a great choice to make. Thank you all for living that example for my family. I have written down a verse from a song at Jeff's service. I read it all the time. The hymn was written by Horatio Spafford in the 1800's after he grieved the death of his four daughters. Certainly my grief is not unshared. When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrow like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul. I'm okay, Leta