Dog Days

I think we have hit the dog days of summer.  Isn't that the expression?  It's still very hot and we have all become very bored with all that heat. Day after day.  Although we did get a little shower this morning.  But no relief.  I think we will have to wait for fall.

Things are changing and the school calendar is pulling us out of our summer.  I thought this summer would be restful for me since we didn't have a routine.  But I'm not rested so I just want to move on to the next thing.  I'm kind of glad to be starting a busy routine.

Luke has started football practice.  It was exactly this time last year that we found out Jeff's cancer had spread and he started the brutal chemo.  This last year has lasted ten years.  I didn't know a year could hold so many things.  A year ago we had so much hope that the chemo would work or at least slow down his disease.  We knew nothing of ports, pain medication, thrush, nerve damage, blood counts, blood transfusions or trial treatments. We had never thought about hospice or moving or closing down our business. This journey has spanned over 2 1/2 years but the last year has marked us for sure.  I never dreamed I would carry this kind of saddness.  I don't remember what I thought this would feel like.  I guess I never imagined being here.  I tried to make the glass stay half full for as long as I could.

Jeff is still doing okay.  His feed yard is almost empty and it's hard for him to look at that. He had enough energy to go to Oklahoma and check cattle. He misses all the action and he especially misses all the "deals". He used to always have something going.  It was all about "the deal". Whether he was trading cattle or land or equipment, he liked to have something in the works.  He misses that a lot. He wakes up and feels good every morning.  He's usually  tired and fatigued by noon and takes it easy the rest of the day.  His pain is still being managed.  We really like our hospice nurse.  He is glad to still be here and he still smiles about something everyday.  He still has happiness.  And we still have him!   

Leta