Hiding

I think that is the best way to describe Jeff and me right now. We are trying to hide and only venture out if we have to. It makes us feel secure to be at home. We have recovered from Christmas and the kids are back at school. Jeff is feeling a little better everyday. It's slow progress. The weather has been a gift. Sunny and warm makes it possible for Jeff to be outside which makes him feel instantly better.

Our emotions are all over the place and seem to sneak up on us and take control. We are simply not ourselves. (I used my horn twice today while driving) We saw Dr Patel on Tuesday and he scheduled our scans for the 17th. He will be out of town so we will either have to wait the entire weekend for results or get them from the doctor on call. I couldn't make this up if I tried. A weekend is a long time to wait. Our faith and trust is gone from our relationship with Dr Patel. We have seen the doctor on call more than we have seen him. Luckily he has some wonderful nurses that run the show. He will communicate the scan results with our Dr at MDAnderson. And we'll take it from there. And we have no idea what will happen next. Our cocoon of chemo kept us wrapped up tight in a task. And now that it is over we feel very vulnerable. The what if's are demanding our attention. And no we can't "let go and let God". That only applies to smaller less stressful situations that don't involve death. And another gem is "everything happens for a reason". Please don't use those phrases around us. We do believe that this will not destroy us. We are doing this. We do believe and love our God. We don't feel like He's left us but is holding us close. But that does not make us okay all of the time. I think that just makes us human.

So please don't ask how we are doing. We are not really okay but not totally a mess. Please pray for Jeff that he has the strength and bravery to face the next step, scan results. He can use lots of pep talks. He doesn't email or get on facebook much but if you see him or call him, let him know you're on his team. That helps. He likes to talk about the speculation of the cattle market - get after it with all the boy talk.

If you see me driving please beware I may honk at you if you are going too slow or don't notice the light has turned green because you're texting. I simply have no patience for that kind of behavior. There are people struggling with cancer out there! Please do your part and be a curteous and smart driver.

Blessings that are keeping us going:
Some very good friends of ours are expecting their first red headed baby. And we get to go to a wedding this weekend. I love how life goes on! It's a promise that we believe in.

We know we're different. But we're good with it.
Jeff and Leta