That is the name of the new drug that Jeff will be taking in a trial study. We have had a very good day! We met Dr. Sarantopolous today and liked him a lot. He is super smart and very passionate about his research. His staff was also very nice. The only thing...... I shouldn't even mention this....... The waiting room had dirty chairs. Just old and worn and stained. And you all know how in feel about a dirty chair. My traumatic experience of smelling like ass will haunt me forever. So I just stood and waited. No big deal.
Jeff actually qualifies for 2 Phase I trials. If he doesn't have a good response to the first one they will start him on the second. I cannot explain the relief we feel! We are so blessed to be able to try something new and still have some hope. The medicine is a pill without many side effects. He will have to be here a couple of days and then can take the pills at home. No hospital time and no long stays in San Antonio. Very good news! He should start next week. He will try it for 2 months and then rescan. And it looks like our insurance will cover everything the trial doesn't! Whew! The doctor was very cautious in telling us that this is not a cure. The hope of this medicine is to stop the growth of blood vessels to Jeffs tumors. Good news would be if the tumors didn't grow or spread. Excellent news would be if they shrunk. There is a possibility this medicine could hold Jeffs cancer at bay for a length of time. Because this is a phase I trial there are not any statistics available but they do know melanoma is a very vascular cancer. So in theory there is a possibility this could help. That is our prayer!!!! Please let Jeff have more time to feel better, work a little and watch his kids grow some more. Please God!
So we are smiling this afternoon. It is raining outside which is always a good sign that everything is right in our world. After the storm passes we are going to walk on the Riverwalk and drink a cold beer and probably eat a steak or some Mexican food. Home tomorrow and on with our lives. We are holding our blessings close tonight and cherishing every one.
Blessed,
Jeff and Leta
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
San Antonio here we come
Dr. Patel was able to get us in to see a Dr in San Antonio. We will be going to the Cancer Therapy and Research Center at the University of Texas Health Science Center. It is a research hospital known for it's Stage I cancer trials. A very kind nurse called me yesterday and confirmed our appointment for this Monday. Wow! That was quick. It was such a different experience compared to getting into MD Anderson. She said that Jeff could possibly qualify for a Stage II trial that is specifically for melanoma and a Stage I trial that is for all kinds of cancer. Our appointment Monday will only have to do with taking Jeff's history, reviewing his scans and determining which trial would benefit him the most. We are thrilled to have an option. Dr. Patel has not yet heard back from our dr at MDA but encouraged us to go to San Antonio for their opinion now. We can always go back to MDA for their opinion too. And I'm pretty sure they won't call with an appointment for next week.
Yesterday was a hard day for Jeff. He is struggling with intense anxiety. Calming him and reasurring ourselves is our full time job. But I will tell you this, Jeff's fear is not death, it's only the letting go. For all of you that know him, he has never backed down from anything so letting go will be a process for him. We have talked some about the letting go. The pain of missing someone forever is extreme. The part we hadn't anticipated is the beauty and rawness we feel accepting the unconditional love from everyone. At this point that's what generates most of my tears. We are humbled by the messages, the prayers, and the sweet words that have covered us up. The sincerity and reflection of God in your faces is almost more than we can bear. It is so sweet and pure and such a basic part of Christian love. Simple. I never knew it would be like this. Someone should have told me.
Thank you,
Jeff and Leta
Yesterday was a hard day for Jeff. He is struggling with intense anxiety. Calming him and reasurring ourselves is our full time job. But I will tell you this, Jeff's fear is not death, it's only the letting go. For all of you that know him, he has never backed down from anything so letting go will be a process for him. We have talked some about the letting go. The pain of missing someone forever is extreme. The part we hadn't anticipated is the beauty and rawness we feel accepting the unconditional love from everyone. At this point that's what generates most of my tears. We are humbled by the messages, the prayers, and the sweet words that have covered us up. The sincerity and reflection of God in your faces is almost more than we can bear. It is so sweet and pure and such a basic part of Christian love. Simple. I never knew it would be like this. Someone should have told me.
Thank you,
Jeff and Leta
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
React/Respond
Today is Tuesday and we are still here. Today we are hoping to hear back from Dr. Patel after he talks to our Dr in Houston. Our prayer and hope is that there is some new trial out there. Yep, we are still that optimistic. Hard to believe.
In the mean time we are trying to stay busy. Sunday we had a horrific wind storm that kept us inside. That was not a good scenerio for Jeff. He needs to be busy not sitting still and letting his mind think too much. Anxiety ruled again but we got through it.
Jeff is great at reacting quickly to a situation. He has great instincts and can make decisions quickly. On the other hand, I don't have that ability. I tend to be more of a responder. I like to take a while and think things over before I can make a decsion. But together we are a great team. We know we will have some tedious, important decsions to make in our future. Things we don't want to do but we will have to. Jeff's greatest concern is me and the kids. He has always been a great provider for his family and he is making sure that will always be the case. I love him so much! He is so dependable and loyal. My rock.
My sister, Katie and I talked for a long time this morning. She reminded me about our saying," If it's hard, than you're doing it right." Thanks for the reminder. She also added that the important things in life are "hard and usually suck" and "God thinks it's ok for me to be mad and say bad words". Yes, I think that is all true. Doing the right thing is usually the hardest choice and sometimes it really sucks. Agreed! But the end result is always worth it. Being true to yourself, giving and receiving true love, living your life with certainty and purpose, making those tough decisions so you have no regrets, being able to say your sorry, being proud of yourself, your family and your accomplishments. Yes, its worth the hard part. We actually consider ourselves lucky. I know that's a crazy statement but it's true. And when I say lucky, you all know I mean blessed!
We'll let you know if we get word from Dr Patel about Plan B.
Thanks for all the love. It's keeping us going. We love you too.
Jeff and Leta
In the mean time we are trying to stay busy. Sunday we had a horrific wind storm that kept us inside. That was not a good scenerio for Jeff. He needs to be busy not sitting still and letting his mind think too much. Anxiety ruled again but we got through it.
Jeff is great at reacting quickly to a situation. He has great instincts and can make decisions quickly. On the other hand, I don't have that ability. I tend to be more of a responder. I like to take a while and think things over before I can make a decsion. But together we are a great team. We know we will have some tedious, important decsions to make in our future. Things we don't want to do but we will have to. Jeff's greatest concern is me and the kids. He has always been a great provider for his family and he is making sure that will always be the case. I love him so much! He is so dependable and loyal. My rock.
My sister, Katie and I talked for a long time this morning. She reminded me about our saying," If it's hard, than you're doing it right." Thanks for the reminder. She also added that the important things in life are "hard and usually suck" and "God thinks it's ok for me to be mad and say bad words". Yes, I think that is all true. Doing the right thing is usually the hardest choice and sometimes it really sucks. Agreed! But the end result is always worth it. Being true to yourself, giving and receiving true love, living your life with certainty and purpose, making those tough decisions so you have no regrets, being able to say your sorry, being proud of yourself, your family and your accomplishments. Yes, its worth the hard part. We actually consider ourselves lucky. I know that's a crazy statement but it's true. And when I say lucky, you all know I mean blessed!
We'll let you know if we get word from Dr Patel about Plan B.
Thanks for all the love. It's keeping us going. We love you too.
Jeff and Leta
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Tough Day part 2
It was another tough one. Whew! No one really slept last night. But we were all up early this morning for stockshow. And that didn't go well. We just were not on our A game. The stress really showed through. Maybe we shouldn't have gone, but the Smith's are not quitters. Another Jeff Smith lesson to his children. (I'm more of a quitter if I get too uncomfortable)
The hardest part of our day was seeing everyone. We cried 100 times. But through all of our tears we saw God's love for us being shared through all of you. It wiped us out but we were awed and humbled and blessed by it. Tough.
Too many blessings to list today. Here are some highlights.
Thanks to all my family for coming to the stockshow. It meant the world to me and Jeff. Just being there calms us. I love you: Mom and Daddy, George, Paige, Carley, Blake and Caiden, Sally, Bentley, Abbi and Will, Katie and Ben and our extended family Jen and Marleigh. Thanks for being there!
Special thanks to Joli, Gracie's bball coach. We won our games and afterwards she led the team in prayer and prayed for Jeff and our family and Gracie. Even though Gracie lost her mojo and the whole team cried, it made Gracie feel stronger to know how many people love her and support her.
And a shout out to Jeff's friend Dean. Thanks for coming by today to go look at wheat pasture with Jeff. He loved seeing you and needed the distraction.
I know the next couple of days will continue to be tough. I hate knowing that this will be our new normal. But it won't feel like this forever. We are holding each other close and feeling all the love. We're okay today. And we promise to keep you posted.
Holding on,
Jeff and Leta
The hardest part of our day was seeing everyone. We cried 100 times. But through all of our tears we saw God's love for us being shared through all of you. It wiped us out but we were awed and humbled and blessed by it. Tough.
Too many blessings to list today. Here are some highlights.
Thanks to all my family for coming to the stockshow. It meant the world to me and Jeff. Just being there calms us. I love you: Mom and Daddy, George, Paige, Carley, Blake and Caiden, Sally, Bentley, Abbi and Will, Katie and Ben and our extended family Jen and Marleigh. Thanks for being there!
Special thanks to Joli, Gracie's bball coach. We won our games and afterwards she led the team in prayer and prayed for Jeff and our family and Gracie. Even though Gracie lost her mojo and the whole team cried, it made Gracie feel stronger to know how many people love her and support her.
And a shout out to Jeff's friend Dean. Thanks for coming by today to go look at wheat pasture with Jeff. He loved seeing you and needed the distraction.
I know the next couple of days will continue to be tough. I hate knowing that this will be our new normal. But it won't feel like this forever. We are holding each other close and feeling all the love. We're okay today. And we promise to keep you posted.
Holding on,
Jeff and Leta
Friday, January 20, 2012
It wasn't good news
Wow, today has been tough. Jeff and I got his scan results this morning. The news was not what we were hoping and praying for. The cancer in Jeff's lungs and liver has grown and spread despite the horrible chemo he just endured. It was a kick in the gut. We so wanted to hear good results. We have prayed, we have hoped, we have pleaded!!!!!! But it is not to be. Dr. Patel was there today and he was kind and honest - which is how we like it. Don't beat around the bush. There will be no cure for Jeff's disease. The one and only proven treatment did not work. It is truly one of the most brutal kinds of cancer to have. And honestly no one survives it. We knew that going in but you all know Jeff - he had to try. And he will continue to try. Dr. Patel is already contacting our melanoma oncologist at MDA to see if she has any plan B's. We know there are trials out there that Jeff can qualify for. Dr. Patel told Jeff he was young and healthy and strong and needed to continue trying. This is not the time to give up. So we hope to have that Plan B by next week. Dr. Patel did take time to comfort me and Jeff and his nurses came in and hugged us and told us they loved us. We left in a stunned silence. Unable to truly understand what had just been presented to us.
Our first reaction was to get to our kids. So that's exactly what we did. Giving our kids the news was the hardest thing we have had to do in our lives. We just held each other and cried and held on even tighter. But we know being honest with them is the right thing to do. Jake would be on to me in a second if I didn't tell him. You know how he looks right in my eyes!
So we had our moment and then we decided that we should still stockshow our lambs this weekend as planned at the county show. We loaded up and Jeff came with us. We can't yet bear to be apart. The lambs are safely in the barn and we are now home. We are having breakfast for supper and will be watching a western together in my bed. Alcohol and pills are back in the equation. We need some relief tonight.
We haven't spoken to anyone all day. Please forgive us. But we can't talk yet. We cry just to look at one another, let alone answer the question, "How are you?" Please, Please,Please pray for our children. They do not deserve any of this. Jeff has said over and over how sorry he is. But there is nothing to be sorry for. A rare form of cancer with no reason or prediction. I worry for our babies. I said it before that Jeff has no regrets. But he will truly miss getting to watch his children grow up. And it is certainly no fair to lose your Daddy so young. So please use your special love and tenderness for them.
So enough of all that. We will be sad and hide for a while. I know it. But then we will live our lives like we mean it. Lots of wasteful love and laughter!!! So much it will spill over.
Please get ready because the Smith's are going to need you. Your love is the comfort that sustains us and surrounds us and offers us hope. We are not alone. We are loved. Everything important in life we have been blessed with. We have always said it. And we will continue to do so.
On our knees,
Jeff and Leta
Our first reaction was to get to our kids. So that's exactly what we did. Giving our kids the news was the hardest thing we have had to do in our lives. We just held each other and cried and held on even tighter. But we know being honest with them is the right thing to do. Jake would be on to me in a second if I didn't tell him. You know how he looks right in my eyes!
So we had our moment and then we decided that we should still stockshow our lambs this weekend as planned at the county show. We loaded up and Jeff came with us. We can't yet bear to be apart. The lambs are safely in the barn and we are now home. We are having breakfast for supper and will be watching a western together in my bed. Alcohol and pills are back in the equation. We need some relief tonight.
We haven't spoken to anyone all day. Please forgive us. But we can't talk yet. We cry just to look at one another, let alone answer the question, "How are you?" Please, Please,Please pray for our children. They do not deserve any of this. Jeff has said over and over how sorry he is. But there is nothing to be sorry for. A rare form of cancer with no reason or prediction. I worry for our babies. I said it before that Jeff has no regrets. But he will truly miss getting to watch his children grow up. And it is certainly no fair to lose your Daddy so young. So please use your special love and tenderness for them.
So enough of all that. We will be sad and hide for a while. I know it. But then we will live our lives like we mean it. Lots of wasteful love and laughter!!! So much it will spill over.
Please get ready because the Smith's are going to need you. Your love is the comfort that sustains us and surrounds us and offers us hope. We are not alone. We are loved. Everything important in life we have been blessed with. We have always said it. And we will continue to do so.
On our knees,
Jeff and Leta
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Scans tomorrow
I know I previously posted that Jeff's scan were the 17th but that was incorrect. His scans are tomorrow. You all know that my mind is gone! How could it be really? Sorry about the error. Jeff scans tomorrow morning at 9:30 and we should have results by Friday or Monday.
As you would imagine, we are very anxious about this. But we've talked and talked and talked. We know that whatever is there is already there - or not there. We have no control. So we are trying to calm ourselves with busyness. Trying. You know there is a lot to be said for calming your fears with medication or alcohol. I've tried both. But they seem to be only a temporary fix. What you don't feel today you WILL feel later on. So as much as I want to take a pill and not feel any of this I do know that eventually I will have to deal with this. And I think it's ok to feel it. I've got to feel this. It's not pleasant but it's our life. I think being in the moment now will allow us to have a freedom in our future. So we are facing our fears the best we can. And feeling all of the rushing emotions. Fear, anxiety but also hope and desire for goodness for our future. So many of you have called Jeff and checked on him. It means the world to him. Please continue!!!
We have had some goodness in our last week. My friend, Loralei got an excellent prognosis. Looks like she's going to be fine! Praise God! Jeff is feeling good and has been eating like a champ and working a little everyday. He is not sleeping much but that is normal for him. The kids have had a stomach bug but so far Jeff and I have not gotten it. Thank you God!!! My friends expecting a baby had a sonogram and saw a little gummy bear with a heartbeat. What a blessing! I went to get lamb feed and got to see my friend, Jalane. God put her right on my path when I needed her. She lifted me right up with all her goodness and kindness! Luke won the lamb show at Happy and we have our county show this weekend. I'll be cheering for all the Happy kids. They are the cream of the crop! My Dad will not be having surgery after all. He will be starting cardiac rehab. I'm sure there will be a lot of healthy eating and exercise in his future. We are blessed that he has been given a second chance. Truly blessed!
We will keep you posted this week. Please keep us in your prayers. We are praying and saying that the chemo has worked and Jeff's cancer is gone.
Love,
Jeff and Leta
As you would imagine, we are very anxious about this. But we've talked and talked and talked. We know that whatever is there is already there - or not there. We have no control. So we are trying to calm ourselves with busyness. Trying. You know there is a lot to be said for calming your fears with medication or alcohol. I've tried both. But they seem to be only a temporary fix. What you don't feel today you WILL feel later on. So as much as I want to take a pill and not feel any of this I do know that eventually I will have to deal with this. And I think it's ok to feel it. I've got to feel this. It's not pleasant but it's our life. I think being in the moment now will allow us to have a freedom in our future. So we are facing our fears the best we can. And feeling all of the rushing emotions. Fear, anxiety but also hope and desire for goodness for our future. So many of you have called Jeff and checked on him. It means the world to him. Please continue!!!
We have had some goodness in our last week. My friend, Loralei got an excellent prognosis. Looks like she's going to be fine! Praise God! Jeff is feeling good and has been eating like a champ and working a little everyday. He is not sleeping much but that is normal for him. The kids have had a stomach bug but so far Jeff and I have not gotten it. Thank you God!!! My friends expecting a baby had a sonogram and saw a little gummy bear with a heartbeat. What a blessing! I went to get lamb feed and got to see my friend, Jalane. God put her right on my path when I needed her. She lifted me right up with all her goodness and kindness! Luke won the lamb show at Happy and we have our county show this weekend. I'll be cheering for all the Happy kids. They are the cream of the crop! My Dad will not be having surgery after all. He will be starting cardiac rehab. I'm sure there will be a lot of healthy eating and exercise in his future. We are blessed that he has been given a second chance. Truly blessed!
We will keep you posted this week. Please keep us in your prayers. We are praying and saying that the chemo has worked and Jeff's cancer is gone.
Love,
Jeff and Leta
Friday, January 13, 2012
A horribly rotten no good day
Yesterday was a very bad day. Jeff is fine. In fact he's getting a little stronger every day. My bad day did not involve him and I know this blog is about him but I'm going to write about my bad day anyway.
My Daddy had some heart "stuff" yesterday. He went in for a stress test and later a heart cath. He's had heart disease for over 30 years. The heart cath revealed many new blockages and he went into AFib during the procedure. There were many medical terms I didn't understand but his heart wasn't beating correctly and they had to call the ambulance. That's enough right there to make a daughter cry. The doctor who did the procedure told my Mom he would need as many bypasses as they could do. He said probably 6 to 8. We were shaken to the core. I say we. My Dad was in great spirits. So we went to the CCU to wait all day for the surgeon.
Before I continue the story I want to say I started out my day in a great mood. I even posted a prayer on facebook asking for goodness and kindness so I could be a worthy servant. Funny how things can take a hard left turn when you least expect it. I think that is the definition of my life.
The surgeon arrived and we all got to hear his news. He doesn't think surgery is the best option. It would be very risky with his past history, past surgeries and scar tissue. That was a total surprise. We were partly relieved and had more to think about. The final decision has not been made on his treatment but he's hoping to go home today. His heart is in a normal rhythm and he's not in any pain. Please continue to pray that he will be okay. Please pray for my Mom that she can handle all of this. My parents have been my rock through Jeff's illness. They have stayed with my kids and even traveled to Houston with me. I know they are already stressed to the limit.
Part 2. Why does there always have to be a part 2 for me? My sweet, dear friend Loralei got the news (2 floors up from my Daddy) that she has cancer in her lung. I was blessed to be able to be with her family a little bit yesterday in all the chaos and I had a good visit with her this morning. I love her! I hate that cancer has invaded another person! She was also in great spirits today and is brave and smart and strong. I know she has every chance in the world to beat this. She also is surrounded by lots of crazy family and friends that are full of goodness. It's all I know! I love the people in my life.
Blessing for the day:
I got to see my Aunt Kay - she's my hero! She is braver than I am and when I hugged her I tried to get as much of her strength on me as possible.
When I got home last night and was totally worn out and cried out and limp. My family put all their love on me. Jake looked right in my eyes to check me out. He said I would feel better if I watched Lava Girl with him in my bed. So I climbed in the middle right in between Gracie and Jake. They covered me up with the down comforter and got me nice and warm. With their arms around me, Gracie's sweet hair in my face, and their toes tickling my toes I fell asleep to the sound of their breathing and the feel of their heartbeats beside me. I am totally loved.
My Daddy had some heart "stuff" yesterday. He went in for a stress test and later a heart cath. He's had heart disease for over 30 years. The heart cath revealed many new blockages and he went into AFib during the procedure. There were many medical terms I didn't understand but his heart wasn't beating correctly and they had to call the ambulance. That's enough right there to make a daughter cry. The doctor who did the procedure told my Mom he would need as many bypasses as they could do. He said probably 6 to 8. We were shaken to the core. I say we. My Dad was in great spirits. So we went to the CCU to wait all day for the surgeon.
Before I continue the story I want to say I started out my day in a great mood. I even posted a prayer on facebook asking for goodness and kindness so I could be a worthy servant. Funny how things can take a hard left turn when you least expect it. I think that is the definition of my life.
The surgeon arrived and we all got to hear his news. He doesn't think surgery is the best option. It would be very risky with his past history, past surgeries and scar tissue. That was a total surprise. We were partly relieved and had more to think about. The final decision has not been made on his treatment but he's hoping to go home today. His heart is in a normal rhythm and he's not in any pain. Please continue to pray that he will be okay. Please pray for my Mom that she can handle all of this. My parents have been my rock through Jeff's illness. They have stayed with my kids and even traveled to Houston with me. I know they are already stressed to the limit.
Part 2. Why does there always have to be a part 2 for me? My sweet, dear friend Loralei got the news (2 floors up from my Daddy) that she has cancer in her lung. I was blessed to be able to be with her family a little bit yesterday in all the chaos and I had a good visit with her this morning. I love her! I hate that cancer has invaded another person! She was also in great spirits today and is brave and smart and strong. I know she has every chance in the world to beat this. She also is surrounded by lots of crazy family and friends that are full of goodness. It's all I know! I love the people in my life.
Blessing for the day:
I got to see my Aunt Kay - she's my hero! She is braver than I am and when I hugged her I tried to get as much of her strength on me as possible.
When I got home last night and was totally worn out and cried out and limp. My family put all their love on me. Jake looked right in my eyes to check me out. He said I would feel better if I watched Lava Girl with him in my bed. So I climbed in the middle right in between Gracie and Jake. They covered me up with the down comforter and got me nice and warm. With their arms around me, Gracie's sweet hair in my face, and their toes tickling my toes I fell asleep to the sound of their breathing and the feel of their heartbeats beside me. I am totally loved.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Hiding
I think that is the best way to describe Jeff and me right now. We are trying to hide and only venture out if we have to. It makes us feel secure to be at home. We have recovered from Christmas and the kids are back at school. Jeff is feeling a little better everyday. It's slow progress. The weather has been a gift. Sunny and warm makes it possible for Jeff to be outside which makes him feel instantly better.
Our emotions are all over the place and seem to sneak up on us and take control. We are simply not ourselves. (I used my horn twice today while driving) We saw Dr Patel on Tuesday and he scheduled our scans for the 17th. He will be out of town so we will either have to wait the entire weekend for results or get them from the doctor on call. I couldn't make this up if I tried. A weekend is a long time to wait. Our faith and trust is gone from our relationship with Dr Patel. We have seen the doctor on call more than we have seen him. Luckily he has some wonderful nurses that run the show. He will communicate the scan results with our Dr at MDAnderson. And we'll take it from there. And we have no idea what will happen next. Our cocoon of chemo kept us wrapped up tight in a task. And now that it is over we feel very vulnerable. The what if's are demanding our attention. And no we can't "let go and let God". That only applies to smaller less stressful situations that don't involve death. And another gem is "everything happens for a reason". Please don't use those phrases around us. We do believe that this will not destroy us. We are doing this. We do believe and love our God. We don't feel like He's left us but is holding us close. But that does not make us okay all of the time. I think that just makes us human.
So please don't ask how we are doing. We are not really okay but not totally a mess. Please pray for Jeff that he has the strength and bravery to face the next step, scan results. He can use lots of pep talks. He doesn't email or get on facebook much but if you see him or call him, let him know you're on his team. That helps. He likes to talk about the speculation of the cattle market - get after it with all the boy talk.
If you see me driving please beware I may honk at you if you are going too slow or don't notice the light has turned green because you're texting. I simply have no patience for that kind of behavior. There are people struggling with cancer out there! Please do your part and be a curteous and smart driver.
Blessings that are keeping us going:
Some very good friends of ours are expecting their first red headed baby. And we get to go to a wedding this weekend. I love how life goes on! It's a promise that we believe in.
We know we're different. But we're good with it.
Jeff and Leta
Our emotions are all over the place and seem to sneak up on us and take control. We are simply not ourselves. (I used my horn twice today while driving) We saw Dr Patel on Tuesday and he scheduled our scans for the 17th. He will be out of town so we will either have to wait the entire weekend for results or get them from the doctor on call. I couldn't make this up if I tried. A weekend is a long time to wait. Our faith and trust is gone from our relationship with Dr Patel. We have seen the doctor on call more than we have seen him. Luckily he has some wonderful nurses that run the show. He will communicate the scan results with our Dr at MDAnderson. And we'll take it from there. And we have no idea what will happen next. Our cocoon of chemo kept us wrapped up tight in a task. And now that it is over we feel very vulnerable. The what if's are demanding our attention. And no we can't "let go and let God". That only applies to smaller less stressful situations that don't involve death. And another gem is "everything happens for a reason". Please don't use those phrases around us. We do believe that this will not destroy us. We are doing this. We do believe and love our God. We don't feel like He's left us but is holding us close. But that does not make us okay all of the time. I think that just makes us human.
So please don't ask how we are doing. We are not really okay but not totally a mess. Please pray for Jeff that he has the strength and bravery to face the next step, scan results. He can use lots of pep talks. He doesn't email or get on facebook much but if you see him or call him, let him know you're on his team. That helps. He likes to talk about the speculation of the cattle market - get after it with all the boy talk.
If you see me driving please beware I may honk at you if you are going too slow or don't notice the light has turned green because you're texting. I simply have no patience for that kind of behavior. There are people struggling with cancer out there! Please do your part and be a curteous and smart driver.
Blessings that are keeping us going:
Some very good friends of ours are expecting their first red headed baby. And we get to go to a wedding this weekend. I love how life goes on! It's a promise that we believe in.
We know we're different. But we're good with it.
Jeff and Leta
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