We have been trying to live each day. Very simple. We like to keep it simple. Jeff is doing okay. In fact Dr. Patel said he looked great. And I know he does feel "good" a little bit everyday. Last week we shipped wheat pasture cattle. This is such a big deal! And Jeff was right in the middle of it. And I'm so glad he was able to do that. In fact, he rode his horse and penned pasture cattle 3 days last week. Jeff doesn't think it was that big of a deal but it took a lot out of him physically. I was surprised he decided to ride day 2 and 3 but he couldn't stand the thought of another cowboy out there doing his job. And if that wasn't enough he also rode our feed yard pens twice this week. Once with Luke and once with his brother. He's doing the things he loves! (He does complain about how tired it makes him but I just drink a little wine and he doesn't bother me too much.)
So with all of that physical work he was exhausted. He actually started the hiccup thing again. One of the worst ways to torture a human being. Right up there with water boarding. Grrrr! He had about 3 straight days and nights of hiccups before they were able to stop them. Not a lot of sleeping or eating during that time. A combination of thorazine and a muscle relaxant did the trick. And now that they have stopped he has stopped the extra meds and seems fine. Crazy.
He had another check up with Dr. Patel yesterday. We have officially decided to not seek anymore treatment. We didn't spend a lot of time talking about it. We both just knew. So we told the dr yesterday and he agreed it was a good decision. I've spent the last week on the computer researching mucosal melanoma and treatments, searching frantically for some new cure. But it's the same old info. Mucosal melanoma is so rare that there isn't much research that has been done to find a cure or treatment. It is just lumped together with skin melanoma which isn't even really the same disease. There is no effective treatment at all. Disheartening but at least it confirms that we have done everything we can. There are some treatments for people that have a c-Kit tumor mutation. But Jeff does not have the mutation and therefore would not be elgible to take those meds. We will not be going to Mexico, or taking herbs or going to a healer. Jeff actually tried some of that but nothing has worked.
So on our way home from the dr we both had a little break down. I would be honest in saying that I had a huge meltdown. We both experienced a lot more fury than saddness. Turns out it was very hard to "officially" make that decision and say those words out loud. It kind of caught us off guard. Jeff is afraid he will panic in a couple of weeks and wish he would have done some kind of treatment, because he still has such a strong will to live. We are both a little anxious about people agreeing or disagreeing with us. But the bottom line is that logically, there is nothing more to do. He wants to be at home with his family and running his business and enjoying life. Any treatment out there would take those things away from him and he's not willing to give them up.
Jeff had a blood test yesterday to check his blood counts. His nose is still bleeding and at times it takes a while to stop. Just checking. I hope he doesn't have to have many more pokes or needles. We got his pain meds increased and he is pretty comfortable. He has continued to see friends and has enjoyed spending time with people that he has loved throughout his life. Lots of goodness!
Love,
Jeff and Leta
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