Whoever started that phrase was not actually dying. He was just some dumb ass who thought he was SOOO smart and insightful. When you find out you're dying you are usually sick. Now peace and acceptance do become a part of that but I don't think many people actually Live It Up! However, I do appreciate that everyone is different and has the right to do it how they want to. Jeff and I had this discussion yesterday. He doesn't have a bucket list. Yes, he would like to take his kids fishing one more time but other than that he has already done what he wanted to do. He has loved his family, he is proud of his kids, he has built a successful business, he has laughed and cried and loved a couple of great horses. He got to team rope and even built his own arena. He's been on a couple of good vacations and drank a LOT of cold beer. I could go on and on. But I just wanted to share our "aha" moment in all of this. Don't wait until it's too late to live the life you want to live. Do it now. Don't wait. You won't have any regrets! Life gets so messy but if your hands aren't dirty than you didn't do it right.
Jeff's appointment at Dr Patel's went ok yesterday. No big news to share. They did another blood test to see if his counts are up. Dr Patel had talked to San Antonio and said there are a couple of new phase I trials that Jeff should be able to qualify for if his counts come up. He recommends we try one more thing. Oh good Lord! We just looked at each other. Where on earth will we get the strength to go back to San Antonio? But you know I love that man and will take him if I need to. We call them on Monday. Plan B is a new medicine we could take in Amarillo called Yervoy. It is an antibody therapy and triggers your immune system to go crazy. Attacking everything - cancer, and your own healthy body. Side effects are horrific - much worse than in Interleuken that Jeff took during chemo. What????? There is a worse medicine than that? Who is inventing these monster medicines and then letting the FDA approve them? The success rate for "response" not "cure" is 5%. That's right. When it comes to the treatment of mucosal melanoma they have not even invented the wheel. Is there a scientist out there that could please get right on that?
No decisions have been made yet. We just like to talk about it all and curse the horrible treatment options and act insulted. You know our other option. The option that includes Jeff getting to still work some, hang out with his kids,sleep in his own bed, perhaps ride his horse, still drink beer and laugh with family and friends. I don't think there's anything better. We'll see what happens. It's his choice and I've got his back. Respectful till the end of his wishes.
Love,
Jeff and Leta
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