Onward

Jeff's latest platelet level is 53. So he is still right on the edge of not being able to take his medicine.  I called San Antonio to see how we needed to proceed.  Wouldn't you know our doctor and nurse in charge are both out of town.  I spoke to a lovely lady named Tracy.  She said there were orders left that stated Jeff should take his regular dose of medicine if his count was above 50.  That contradicted info I was given early in the week that indicated a lower dose if his platelets were between 50 and 75.  Since the doctor and nurse were out of town she couldn't address my concern.  Which really upsets me because Jeff has a constant bloody nose.  His platelets dropped 40 last week.  If they do that this next week he would not be clotting very well - at all.  Like she said, "It's probably not safe to use a razor." The lady understood my hesitation but repeated for Jeff to take all his medicine.  Ok.  That sure makes me feel vulnerable and unheard.  Slightly like I could kill someone. I called Dr. Patel and he is out of town.  Good Lord!  His nurse is going to call me back.  I just feel like I need to tell someone that I'm worried Jeff could have some "bleeding to death" issues and that makes me more than a little nervous.  I did tell the receptionist that we WOULD be there first thing Monday morning for a blood test.  I ordered it!  I can't wait another 5 days to see if his counts drop more. Maybe I'm overreacting.  I know I do that sometimes. It's just that I'm so tired.  I'm so tired of all of this.  I'm not myself and I feel like I can't do anything right.  All I do is laundry and feed my family.  Anything else is extra and requires planning and energy.  Like I really need to clean out my purse but I just can't do it. Because Luke has a track meet and I only have enough energy to do one or the other. Does that make sense?  And possibly I won't be able to cook supper tonight after all of this.
So in perspective we are really okay.  Jeff is still able to take the trial medicine which is hopefully working.  Our battle rages on.  We are not in control.  We are doing our best.  We are surrounded by people that love us and take care of us everyday.  One way or another it will all be okay. 

Hanging on,
Jeff and Leta