Jeff went for a check up this morning and he wasn't doing well. He had lost 18 lbs since Friday. That is 8 lbs less than when he started. He was dehydrated and ended up getting some IV fluid and anti nausea meds. But we were able to do that at the dr's office and not have to go to the hospital. Which brings me to the subject of being a care giver. It's a tough job that I do not take lightly. I had been very aggravated with Jeff about him drinking enough. If I nag him too much to keep drinking and trying to eat he gets irritated with me and wants me to back off. But when I back off he doesn't drink enough and GETS DEHYDRATED. I can't win. Just because he has cancer doesn't mean we don't get on each others nerves. That is still the same.
The role of care giver is not entirely foreign to me, after all I am a mother. And I have taken care of Jeff all of our relationship. He likes me to do things for him. I blame his mother because she never taught him how to cook, clean, do laundry or make a bed. Thanks, Joy! You can't teach this old dog anything new! But I will also say that Jeff has taken care of me. He has worked so hard so that I could stay home and raise our kids. Somehow it's all even.
The difference is the fierceness of love and protection I feel for him. Jeff has always been the protector - not me. So that is a little new. I don't have any doubt or reservations when it comes to making sure he is getting the best treatment and care. My brother in law, Sean calls it "Dumbo's Mother Syndrome". You know in the Disney movie Dumbo, the mother elephant is very calm and sweet, so sweet, until they mess with her baby and then she goes ballistic! I wouldn't hesitate to go ballistic for Jeff Smith. I love that man whether he drinks enough fluid or not, whether he has cancer or not, whether he drives me crazy or not, til death do us part, I love him. And even if I complain I would never let anyone else do my job of taking care of him.
Exhausted,
Leta
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Home
We are home and happy! I cannot describe how much we love our bed! I may not get up all day. Oh that's a fantasy! On the flip side, Jeff will NOT want to be in bed all day. They are planting wheat right outside our door and Jeff is going crazy wanting to be out there. Usually I would just let him go for his "mental health" but as we were leaving the hospital yesterday his latest lab results came in. He is dangerously close to being neutropenic right now. His white blood cells are dwindling down to nothing and that means he will have no immune system. The simplest infection would put him back in the hospital. So he really can't be out in the dirt and muck of the farm. He will have to be on a special diet also to keep him safe. No fresh fruits or vegetables due to the risk of bacterial contamination. And I have to get all my live plants out. Crazy! His next blood test will be Tuesday. After that he will probably be pretty isolated for a while.
I just looked up and he's out the door to "check on a tractor". That man! Why doesn't he want to lie in bed and read magazines and watch back to back episodes of Sell This House? If he's not back inside in about 3 minutes I'm going out there in my jammies to embarrass him in front of his employees. Wish me luck.
Comforted,
Jeff and Leta
I just looked up and he's out the door to "check on a tractor". That man! Why doesn't he want to lie in bed and read magazines and watch back to back episodes of Sell This House? If he's not back inside in about 3 minutes I'm going out there in my jammies to embarrass him in front of his employees. Wish me luck.
Comforted,
Jeff and Leta
Friday, September 23, 2011
100%
It's the last day of chemo and it's looks like Jeff will take 100% this time. We are so excited by this news. The last drop should be finished around 4:00 this afternoon. His blood counts are normal and other than a rash and headache he has tolerated this round well. In fact he's doing so well he will go home tonight or tomorrow morning. Yippee!
Dr Patel does anticipate his blood levels to drop dramatically this time which is normal after 3 rounds of this kind of chemo. Jeff will have to have blood work twice a week and we will need to be on high alert for infections. Please pray our family can stay healthy during the upcoming weeks. Luke already has a cold and I'm trying to figure out how to keep them separated.
I had a delightful birthday yesterday, even in the hospital. Thank you friends and family for making me feel so special! Katie and Sally came up last night and brought supper, wine and the movie, Bridesmaids. We went down to an isolated waiting room and watched the movie and laughed until we got the "snorts and coughs". I love my sisters so much!
Smiling today,
Jeff and Leta
Dr Patel does anticipate his blood levels to drop dramatically this time which is normal after 3 rounds of this kind of chemo. Jeff will have to have blood work twice a week and we will need to be on high alert for infections. Please pray our family can stay healthy during the upcoming weeks. Luke already has a cold and I'm trying to figure out how to keep them separated.
I had a delightful birthday yesterday, even in the hospital. Thank you friends and family for making me feel so special! Katie and Sally came up last night and brought supper, wine and the movie, Bridesmaids. We went down to an isolated waiting room and watched the movie and laughed until we got the "snorts and coughs". I love my sisters so much!
Smiling today,
Jeff and Leta
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A funny story to brighten our day
Jeff is still doing great but can't shake his horrible headache. They've upped his pain meds and ive tried to keep him in a good mood. Thought I'd share one of our funny stories that we giggle over all the time.
Setting the scene: the night before Jeff's big surgery at MD Anserson back in Feb 2010. We had appointments all day and they were all running late. One of out last appointments of the day was with the surgeon and we got there 3 hours late because of all the late appointments all day. We were tired, worried, full of questions and anxiety. Plus we had barely eaten because of Jeff's tests. The odds were against us already that we would be able to keep our cool and be nice.
The nurse took us to a room. We sat down and the first thing I noticed was the horrible smell. I mean it was bad. I thought it was something gross I couldn't see in the trash can. I asked Jeff if he smelled it and he didn't, just me. I went on and on about the stink and the nurse heard me out in the hall and came in and sprayed air freshener. Jeff was furious at me for " making a scene". But I couldn't help it and it was bugging me that Jeff couldn't smell it. I continued to complain and at that point Jeff was about ready to throw me out of the room. Inappropriate language was used!
Finally I stood up and said I was going out into the hall for some fresh air. When i walked by Jeff he looked at me strangely and said he smelled it too - on me! What? I quickly pulled the back of my long sweater around and sniffed it. IT WAS ME!I burst into tears right as the nurse and surgeon walked in. They asked what was wrong and I told them someone had soiled themselves in the chair and left it for me to sit in for 15 minutes! And then Jeff started laughing and said, "And now she smells like ass!" So Jeff laughed and I cried. Relief for both of us.
The rest of the dr's visit went really well considering I smelled like ass. They brought me scrubs to change into but they were ugly and would have looked hidious with the cute cowboy boots I was wearing. ( I get it that I can be snobby that way and that is not a strong character trait) So I walked back to the hotel while Jeff took his last CT scan and I took a hot bath and drank a lot of wine. Then I walked back up to the hospital and got Jeff.
The sweater in question was saved and I still wear it. Who knew that ass would be so easy to get out with just regular laundry detergent?
One extra detail to the story? A couple of months later when we went back to the surgeons office he had all new VINYL chairs. The nurse said they redid all the rooms after my
unfortunate accident. So because of me, no one will ever have to accidentally
sit in ass in the Head and Neck department at MDA. You're welcome!
Leta
Setting the scene: the night before Jeff's big surgery at MD Anserson back in Feb 2010. We had appointments all day and they were all running late. One of out last appointments of the day was with the surgeon and we got there 3 hours late because of all the late appointments all day. We were tired, worried, full of questions and anxiety. Plus we had barely eaten because of Jeff's tests. The odds were against us already that we would be able to keep our cool and be nice.
The nurse took us to a room. We sat down and the first thing I noticed was the horrible smell. I mean it was bad. I thought it was something gross I couldn't see in the trash can. I asked Jeff if he smelled it and he didn't, just me. I went on and on about the stink and the nurse heard me out in the hall and came in and sprayed air freshener. Jeff was furious at me for " making a scene". But I couldn't help it and it was bugging me that Jeff couldn't smell it. I continued to complain and at that point Jeff was about ready to throw me out of the room. Inappropriate language was used!
Finally I stood up and said I was going out into the hall for some fresh air. When i walked by Jeff he looked at me strangely and said he smelled it too - on me! What? I quickly pulled the back of my long sweater around and sniffed it. IT WAS ME!I burst into tears right as the nurse and surgeon walked in. They asked what was wrong and I told them someone had soiled themselves in the chair and left it for me to sit in for 15 minutes! And then Jeff started laughing and said, "And now she smells like ass!" So Jeff laughed and I cried. Relief for both of us.
The rest of the dr's visit went really well considering I smelled like ass. They brought me scrubs to change into but they were ugly and would have looked hidious with the cute cowboy boots I was wearing. ( I get it that I can be snobby that way and that is not a strong character trait) So I walked back to the hotel while Jeff took his last CT scan and I took a hot bath and drank a lot of wine. Then I walked back up to the hospital and got Jeff.
The sweater in question was saved and I still wear it. Who knew that ass would be so easy to get out with just regular laundry detergent?
One extra detail to the story? A couple of months later when we went back to the surgeons office he had all new VINYL chairs. The nurse said they redid all the rooms after my
unfortunate accident. So because of me, no one will ever have to accidentally
sit in ass in the Head and Neck department at MDA. You're welcome!
Leta
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Scan news
We finally got the report on Jeff's CT scans. Dr Patel said Jeff has had a partial response to the chemo. That means some of the spots are gone and some of the spots are unchanged. Nothing new grew and none of the spots got bigger. So we will finish this round of chemo and rescan in two weeks. That will determine if we continue chemo or look toward starting a trial. So I guess we will wait and see. You know waiting is not our game. We decided to only talk about the positive aspects of the news until after the next scans. We'll see if we can keep the dark side away.
This round of chemo doesn't seem to be as bad. Jeff has only gained 6 lbs of fluid so far. He has a rash but it's not too angry yet. He is struggling with a constant headache but has been very coherent and lucid. That's nice for me. No hiccups this time either. Funny how it's different every time. One new thing during this hospital stay. They have started construction on the floor beneath us. So napping during the day has become frustrating. Just when you doze off a Jack hammer jolts you awake. Dirty rotten whore! No sleep at night or during the day. It reminds me of having a newborn. Remember those days?
Please continue to pray for Jeff. We are still hoping and praying that this chemo will work or at least give him some significant time and quality of life. Yes, we've added that last phrase to our prayers. Let's just be honest here. Gulp.
One super quote from Jeff today, " You know the 3 greatest things I've accomplished in my life? Luke, Gracie and Jake." Amen!
This round of chemo doesn't seem to be as bad. Jeff has only gained 6 lbs of fluid so far. He has a rash but it's not too angry yet. He is struggling with a constant headache but has been very coherent and lucid. That's nice for me. No hiccups this time either. Funny how it's different every time. One new thing during this hospital stay. They have started construction on the floor beneath us. So napping during the day has become frustrating. Just when you doze off a Jack hammer jolts you awake. Dirty rotten whore! No sleep at night or during the day. It reminds me of having a newborn. Remember those days?
Please continue to pray for Jeff. We are still hoping and praying that this chemo will work or at least give him some significant time and quality of life. Yes, we've added that last phrase to our prayers. Let's just be honest here. Gulp.
One super quote from Jeff today, " You know the 3 greatest things I've accomplished in my life? Luke, Gracie and Jake." Amen!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Tired and silly
We didn't sleep very much last night. Vital sign checks, meds and his IV beeping kept us up almost every hour. I thought we would be tired and fussy this morning but we feel great! We opened a window and enjoyed the fall morning. We laid in bed and laughed and talked about every good thing we could think of. Ahhhhh. What a relief to been in a good mood. After a shower and brushing our teeth, the world should be just about perfect. Maybe we'll even get a nap!
Peaceful,
Jeff and Leta
Peaceful,
Jeff and Leta
Monday, September 19, 2011
Round 3
We are all checked in and back in the big room - 689. Jeff got here this morning and he got the best nurse. That was a great way to start. I stayed home all day and cleaned house and did laundry. I'm here with Jeff now and we are about to go to bed. His brother, Ron was here with him and I brought him a chicken fried steak from Salt Grass. So far, so good.
I'm surprised at how tired we are. We went longer between chemo rounds this time but it wasn't enough time to recoup. We are weary and Jeff is starting to seem frailer although his weight was pretty good. I think mentally it is so hard to prepare for this - knowing what is to come. We should have the final scan results by late Tuesday or Wednesday. That issue is still weighing heavy on my heart. I am going to hold a grudge for a little bit longer. Jeff has let it go and is at peace with his decision to continue treatment.
Jeff's niece, Rachel has also been battling cancer. She also received treatment at MDA. During our first trip down there they were there. Rachel and David are a lot younger than we are and we thought we would comfort them. But they were the ones who took care of and comforted us. They are strong and faithful and brave. Rachel has fought a very tough battle and just received the news that her cancer is back. It was a crushing blow to hear that news. Please pray for David and Rachel. They are young and sweet and totally undeserving of this horrible disease. Who is keeping the score? Why isn't it understood that we should only be given so much grief and heartache? There should be a limit. God, are you listening?
Bracing for the storm,
Jeff and Leta
I'm surprised at how tired we are. We went longer between chemo rounds this time but it wasn't enough time to recoup. We are weary and Jeff is starting to seem frailer although his weight was pretty good. I think mentally it is so hard to prepare for this - knowing what is to come. We should have the final scan results by late Tuesday or Wednesday. That issue is still weighing heavy on my heart. I am going to hold a grudge for a little bit longer. Jeff has let it go and is at peace with his decision to continue treatment.
Jeff's niece, Rachel has also been battling cancer. She also received treatment at MDA. During our first trip down there they were there. Rachel and David are a lot younger than we are and we thought we would comfort them. But they were the ones who took care of and comforted us. They are strong and faithful and brave. Rachel has fought a very tough battle and just received the news that her cancer is back. It was a crushing blow to hear that news. Please pray for David and Rachel. They are young and sweet and totally undeserving of this horrible disease. Who is keeping the score? Why isn't it understood that we should only be given so much grief and heartache? There should be a limit. God, are you listening?
Bracing for the storm,
Jeff and Leta
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