A great nurse can make your day!

It's day 4 of chemo and Jeff is getting it done! It's tough stuff but nothing unexpected. His blood counts are low and it looks like he might have to have a blood transfusion tomorrow. We'll wait and see. We had a nurse last night that isn't our favorite. She likes to turn on ALL the lights in the middle of the night and talk loudly. Grrrr! We realize that hospitals aren't a place to rest but we have become quite spoiled by some of the other nurses and now we're ruined. We have had one of our favorite nurses the last two days. What a blessing! Jeff's nurse on Tuesday brought him a warm donut and cold milk after he didn't like his regular breakfast. Now that's a great nurse! It's an especially big letdown for both of us when we get home and have to care for ourselves. We regularly try to convince nurses to come home with us. So far no luck. Jeff has one nurse that takes his vital signs and they often bet on his blood pressure and pulse. Their standing bet is a thirty pack of beer. Oh my! Jeff is charming them all!

Chemo will be over tomorrow and we hope to go home Saturday. I'm praying time passes quickly. Jeff's current curse word this time is worse than dirty rotten whore. I hope we are discharged before they kick us out. I just try and keep the door shut.

Peace and love,
Jeff and Leta

Who are we - con't

I'm having mechanical difficulties and it posted my last blog before I was finished!

We are in a different room this time, a completely different wing. It's nice to see everything at a different angle and have a new perspective. I'm hoping and praying we will coast thru this round of chemo. We did find out that's Jeff's white count dropped dramatically overnight after just the first dose of chemo. He is neutropenic which means he can't be around anyone who is sick, or might be getting sick. Lots of hand washing and masks. Yuck!

I have a uplifting moment to share. I got to go to Gracies first jr high basketball game last night and sat with some wonderful ladies. We talked about Jeff and how tough chemo is but how brave he is. I made the comment that we wanted to meet the person that has taken all six rounds of this kind of chemo and shake his hand. My friend Connie said, "You're about to. Jeff is going to be that guy and everyone is going to want to shake his hand." I love a different perspective!! I just told Jeff that story and it made him smile. He is proud to be that guy and he would love to tell someone facing this kind of chemo his story. And for the first time I saw in his face that he is going to do this. As long as his body can take it, his mind is strong enough to bear it.

I hope this blog seemed more hopeful today. We're trying!

Lots of love,
Jeff and Leta

Who are we?

I just got through reading some of our past blog entries and I have to admit that it is a bit of a downer to read. Really gruesome stuff. And my first reaction is I can't believe that's us! We are usually happy and often funny. Were usually someone you would want to be friends with and hang around. I almost couldn't stand us. But I decided to give ourselves a break. And that's a relief. Because I know that the funk we are in now will not last forever. Thank goodness. This is a dark period and we do appreciate you standing beside us. It must be hard. But thank you for putting up with us when we are not ourselves!

Day 2 of chemo is about normal. Jeff had a good night and enjoyed his brother, Ron spending the night with him.

The good smell

Last week for Veterans Day, Jake had to make a poster for school. We had red, white and blue stars and markers all ready to go when I remembered some of my Grandfathers WWII pictures and dog tags. I went to get the box of my "Grandparents stuff". When I opened the lid I was hit with the smell. It smelled just like them, G-Momma and Grandfather. It was so overpowering and comforting I burst into tears. Jake came running over to see WHAT was in that box! I tried to explain to him how much I loved that smell and how much I loved them. It reminded me of when I was a little girl and would go to their house and it smelled so good just walking in the door. Jake doesn't remember them but he loves his grandparents so I think he had some understanding of what I was saying. I couldn't believe that just a smell could mean so much to me. I am blessed to have such a giant, crazy, wonderful family. And I've had them all my life! What a great foundation I've been given and what a bigger blessing to raise my children in this family. My grandparents legacy continues.

Saturday night the other side of my family had a birthday celebration for my Granny. She turned 90 years old. Jeff and I debated on whether to go. A small thing like going out to dinner can take all of our energy. But we decided to go. It was loud and crazy - just like always. We talked and laughed and were surrounded by the people that love us unconditionally. By the time we left we felt so much better than when we got there. We were full of hopeful energy to face chemo today. And when we left I hugged Granny for a long time. I was her first grandchild so I'm sure that makes me her favorite. I took one last sniff before I let go. Ahhh, powder and Estee Lauder.


Love,
Jeff and Leta

Going into Round 5

Jeff got good news from his blood work earlier in the week.  His counts are up so the plan is to start Round 5 on Monday.  When he first started chemo he was excited to do it, excited at the prospect of beating this disease and excited that there was a treatment.  Today those emotions have changed.  He knows he is blessed that there is a treatment he can take but he is physically and mentally exhausted from the process.  We never imagined chemo could be this brutal.  It is a horrible, relentless treatment.  To finish all 6 rounds is unimaginable at this point.  I know Jeff and I know how strong and determined he is and I know he will do this. But these last two treatments will be torture.  And I hate that they will fall during Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Daily we affirm our decision and talk about the good that this chemo is doing.  If it is destroying his healthy cells so rapidly it HAS to be destroying the cancer cells.  He will not rescan until all the chemo is finished.  This is actually a relief.  We don't really want to know anything different right now.  We know he is having a response and some of his tumors are shrinking, so in our minds it is continuing to do so. We can talk about the future and have hope!  So that's what we're doing. Counting down the days until the chemo is over and he starts to recover and morphs back into himself. He is dreaming of a warm spring without too much wind.  Lots of thunderstorms and beautiful green wheat.  He wants to grow his hair back and do a lot of roping.  He can't wait for a steak off the grill and an ice cold beer.  He wants to ride horses with his kids and  be outside long enough to have to put on sunscreen.  No bucket lists to check off or regreats.  He doesn't feel that way.  He just wants to enjoy life and be joyful!  Bring it on God! 

The bravest choice

This week has been one of the hardest for me. Jeff is feeling much better and is eating, sleeping and working. I think I wait until he starts to bounce back before I start to relax and let down my guard and eventually meltdown. But a good cry does feel good. But this time my good cry has latest a couple of days. There is a good reason. The price of love and life and family is worth more than an ocean of tears. Here's our story of the week. We know someone that is young and strong like Jeff that is battling cancer. He's had a rough road and just found out that his disease has returned. I hate the ending of that story! From what we understand he will try some new chemo but has chosen not to undergo anymore radical treatments. If we had heard his story 2 years ago we would have been so judgmental in our opinion. We would have thought he had given up and not wanted to fight hard enough for himself or his family. We would have felt righteous in our words and we would have been wrong. And this is why I have cried all week. It's a realization that is heartbreaking but beautiful. When your body has been mutilated and destroyed by cancer and surgery and chemo and radiation, when every part of your body, except your soul, has been rendered broken, you are faced with a choice. To make your choice is very personal. And I am shamed that I would presume to know what is best for someone in that situation. Because today I know that if you chose to live the remainder of your life with a clear mind and surrounded by love and family, well that is about the bravest choice you could ever make. God bless the people that ever have to make those kind of choices. Because it could be you, or me and Jeff. I would say it's worthy of a good cry.

I made it through this tough week because of all the people God put along my path. Thank you Daddy for taking Jeff to the doctor. And a special thanks to M and M for getting me to Follett to watch Luke play. Blessed!

Jeff and Leta