Going into Round 5

Jeff got good news from his blood work earlier in the week.  His counts are up so the plan is to start Round 5 on Monday.  When he first started chemo he was excited to do it, excited at the prospect of beating this disease and excited that there was a treatment.  Today those emotions have changed.  He knows he is blessed that there is a treatment he can take but he is physically and mentally exhausted from the process.  We never imagined chemo could be this brutal.  It is a horrible, relentless treatment.  To finish all 6 rounds is unimaginable at this point.  I know Jeff and I know how strong and determined he is and I know he will do this. But these last two treatments will be torture.  And I hate that they will fall during Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Daily we affirm our decision and talk about the good that this chemo is doing.  If it is destroying his healthy cells so rapidly it HAS to be destroying the cancer cells.  He will not rescan until all the chemo is finished.  This is actually a relief.  We don't really want to know anything different right now.  We know he is having a response and some of his tumors are shrinking, so in our minds it is continuing to do so. We can talk about the future and have hope!  So that's what we're doing. Counting down the days until the chemo is over and he starts to recover and morphs back into himself. He is dreaming of a warm spring without too much wind.  Lots of thunderstorms and beautiful green wheat.  He wants to grow his hair back and do a lot of roping.  He can't wait for a steak off the grill and an ice cold beer.  He wants to ride horses with his kids and  be outside long enough to have to put on sunscreen.  No bucket lists to check off or regreats.  He doesn't feel that way.  He just wants to enjoy life and be joyful!  Bring it on God!