The GOOD drugs!

Today has been very predictable as day 2 of chemo. Jeff has started to feel nauseous and the pain has set in. Ever since radiation Jeff has suffered from horrible headaches. It's a side effect that the doctors said should be gone by now but that hasn't been the case. And of course chemo has made them worse. The treatment has been hydrocodone when they are really bad. But that has never done the job. Today he finally got some relief in the form of Oxycontin. Come to find out it's not just an expensive street drug but a real medicine! And Jeff LOVES it! He has been able to rest and eat more today. He's a little loopy but not too bad. He said he just feels good. I'm hoping that it will make a big difference getting through all the pain of chemo.

I have one funny and sweet moment to share. Jeff was dozing off and on and he looked over at me and said, "Babe, you're just right. Will you marry me?" I told him we were already married and he said, "Lets do it all again."

Of course I would.

Leta

Holy Moly!

Holy Moly it was tough going to the hospital today! Jeff Smith is the bravest man I know. Round 4 should start today. We are waiting to make sure his platelet count is high enough. It is unbelievably hard to muster up the strength to face chemo. I don't know how Jeff does it. He is so much stronger than I am. Physically and emotionally. We are hanging on to the hope that the chemo is working. We got the scan report this morning and it appears that not only did the tumor in Jeff's liver shrink but it looks like the center of it is dead. That news gave us the little boost we needed to do this all over again.

Okay we just got word that Jeff's platelets are up! Even a little higher than normal. Now we are just waiting for a room. I'm thinking Salt Grass for lunch! We officially hate hospital food.

Love,
Jeff and Leta

So many typos

To clarify, tumors in his liver shrunk and tumors in his lungs remain unchanged. Although the one in his right lung was gone after the first round of chemo. I didn't check for typos. Please forgive me!

Good news

We just received good news fromliver doctor. Jeff's scans showed the tumors in his liver have shrunk. The spots in his liver remained the same and nothing new had grown! So it appears that slowly bur surely the chemo is working. This is a positive sign that he should continue with round 4 of chemo. Although his platelets are still low, we are praying they will be high enough by Monday to start chemo then. It sure is nice to have some good news to report. Whew!

For the next four days we will be trying to prepare mentally and physically to start chemo again. Lots of steak, laughs and love! We are weary and the race ahead is getting harder every step. Please help us stay motivated and hopeful. We are still clinging tightly to one another as we pray for a cure. Please join us and continue to lift up Jeff in your prayers.

We love you all,
Jeff and Leta

Time is marching on

Jeff is getting his CT scans right now. We're at the out patient place. Jeff's blood work yesterday showed his platelets are still too low to start chemo this week. He will have another blood test on Thursday and with the CT scan results we will determine when round 4 of chemo will start. We are both full of anxiety about the scan results. If there isn't a big decrease in the tumors, there is a possibility this chemo will be stopped. It is brutal on his body and permanent damage can occur. So we are praying with all our might that the chemo is shrinking the cancer and Jeffs body is strong enough to withstand it.

Jeff has spent a lot of time in bed this time. Very unusual for him. He got up early Tuesday to ship cattle but it seems he's used all his energy and he's back to feeling tired and wiped out. I can't stress enough that chemo is a dirty, rotten whore!

Our spirits were lifted yesterday at the Happy Breast Cancer Awareness walk. Jeff was too tired to go but the kids and I went. The entire football team walked in honor of Jeff. That was so special for our family. And it touched my hearts to see Lukes team meats also support him. Lots of goodness out there!

We'll keep you posted on test results

B+

I mean B positive (not B plus).  Jeff's blood type is B+.  Dr Patel took a look at Jeff today and sent him to the hospital for blood tests there.  They drew blood from his arm and it wouldn't stop bleeding.  I knew at that point he would be in for some sort of blood products!  And yes, he qualified for platelets, which he received tonight and tomorrow he earns 2 pints of blood.  I knew Jeff wasn't bouncing back like he should.  And the doctor had warned us this was coming.  I am hoping and praying that after he receives blood he will feel much better.

 Dr. Patel said he wants Jeff to start Round 4 of chemo on Monday.  When he said that Jeff and I looked at each other and both said, "No way!" We are both too weary.  I don't see how he can be physically ready to do this again so soon.  But we will wait and see.  I'm sure we'll do what we need to do, whether we like it or not. The doctor also said he will repeat the scans the day Jeff checks into the hospital and have them run there.  Back at MD Anderson, CT scans took 3-4 hours start to finish.  But here in Amarillo it is a 20 minute process at the hospital and no waiting.  Hmmm.  Big difference!

I've had a couple of people ask me if they could donate blood for Jeff.  I don't think you can donate directly to him, even if you are B+ but you can donate in his name no matter what your blood type is. In all the anxiety and saddness, I love these moments of goodness. How special that someone would ask to give their blood Jeff.  It's like the 3 fishes and 5 loaves.  So small and yet it grows and spreads into something bigger than all of us.  I say it everyday.  Thank you.  Thank you so much for all the love, support, friendship, acts of kindness, words of encouragement, extra wine, food and ALL the many prayers.  The goodness is still growing and spreading.  Even through me and Jeff.  We can feel it. 

Again, thanking you,
Jeff and Leta 

Holding Pattern

We are just here. That's all. Nothing else. This round of chemo has done a lot of damage, to Jeff's body and also to our hearts. Jeff is really starting to look like he's sick. For so long he still looked healthy. Chemo has robbed him of that. He is bald, thin and frail. I remind him everyday that all the symptoms he is experiencing are from the treatment, not the disease. Its still a lot to take. He has not bounced back this time. I hate to see him this way. It breaks my heart. He has started an antibiotic for a possible sinus infection and he seems to have more energy today. I hope he's on the way back up. We see the dr tomorrow so we will have more answers soon.

We don't know when his next scans are or his next round of chemo. And we don't care. We don't talk about it or worry about. I think we are pretending those things in our future don't exist. And that protective move is helping us cope. Denial is working for us right now.

We have also slept a lot lately, the whole family. I'm not sure why but it's all we want to do. Usually Jeff sets the pace and things move fast and there is minimal time to sleep. But since Jeff is down we are still taking his lead. We cannot sleep enough. Is it because we are weary from all this or are we trying to hibernate through all the grief? Crazy how our brains work!

We will keep you posted on what the dr says and how Jeffs blood counts are. He's ready to stop wearing the mask and he'd secretly love to be around people. He wants to go to church and to a football game to watch Gracie cheer or watch Luke play. I hope he can do those things this week.

Thanks for all the love and support and food! They are still sustaining us.

Quietly,
Jeff and Leta