Explaining death to my kids is a mighty subject to present. Jeff and I want to be honest about it all but we also hate to cause our children any suffering. We don't want them to carry this load. But it is inevitable. So we try to talk about it often but in small doses. We try to remain calm and not get too emotional. I don't know if we're doing it right or not but we are confident WE are doing it the right way for our family. We have also found that keeping it simple helps us understand better too.
Here's the way we see it.
Death is just as natural a part of life as birth. It happens to everyone. Cancer is a horrible disease that can destroy a body. But the reason we are confident and know that there is a God and that we DO go to heaven is because cancer can never destroy your spirit. Isn't that cool? Our bodies are not who we are. (Our outer crunchy shell) The part that makes us alive and who we are is our spirit. The good stuff is always on the inside. That is the part of us that is always with God - on earth and in Heaven. And it will always be safe. When our bodies on earth are finished they will cease to function. But our spirits will always carry on. They are the part of us that goes to Heaven. That's as far as we've gotten. We take it as it happens.
Jeff is weaker. He is still out and about but he needs to rest more. And now when he does too much his fatigue is overwhelming and out of his control. We have upped his pain meds and we have a dr's appointment tomorrow and I feel he will need to increase his dose even more. The nose bleed issue continues. Our house could be a crime scene! We had cattle out last week and Jeff found them miles away close to a neighbor's that we don't know. I was driving behind Jeff and watched him stop and ask the neighbor if she had seen our cattle. He had blood all over his face and shirt. I saw her horrified face. Jeff said she asked him if he was okay. I'm sure she thought he'd been in some sort of accident. Sorry neighbor!
Our move has been put on hold. Jeff wants to be at home. The place where he grew up and rasied his kids and grew his business. He needs to be here. Ok, babe.
We are still holding on. Peace and acceptance and calm are our goals. Somedays we are close to those things.
Leta
I just read through your entire blog. I found it due to a facebook comment. My best friend since the 2nd grade (we are now in our 40s) was diagnosed with melanoma last year. It was removed and she was fine. It is back. She has some spots on her lung and a lymph node under her arm. She will be going to Maryland this week to see if she qualifies for a trial there. It is her best chance. Thanks for sharing your journey and giving me some insight on what my friend might be facing. Also thank you for sharing how important those childhood friendships and visits are. I will remember this during her treatment. I am so sorry such a great husband and father has his days numbered. I don't know him and yet I cry. Praying for you and your family. Tracy Deupree Amarillo, TX
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