Facing a new year

Jeff's blood test results were great. All his counts were up. That is amazing and such a relief to not face a blood transfusion this week. Jeff had a great day yesterday and was able to be up and around a little. But by dinner he was ready for bed, completely exhausted. This morning he is still in bed and it's not starting out to be a good day. But that is how it usually goes. Two steps forward and one step back. It's tedious.

We are enjoying our last few days of Christmas break and looking forward to the new year. We have lots of cousins in town and we've gotten to play. Hoping to do more of that today.

Best wishes to all of our friends and family as 2012 approaches. We love you dearly!

Jeff and Leta

Are you talking to me?

I haven't posted on purpose during these immediate days of Christmas.  It was that bad.  I didn't want to be Debby Downer and squash anyone's holiday.  We got home on Christmas Eve and Jeff really shouldn't have been discharged.  He was the sickest he's ever been.  But because there was an unknown doctor on call and it was Christmas and there was a big snow - well, we just toughed it out. Plus I had reassurance from my brother-in-law who is a doctor, my brother who is a pharmacist and my Mom who is a nurse.  I won't scare you with all the gory details but the highlights were: 12 hours of hiccups and a raging case of thrush in his mouth and throat.  Plus all the normal holiday vomiting. Today he has turned a corner and I think he's going to make it.  We saw the doctor (not our real doctor) and he said everything was ok.  Jeff got two bags of IV fluid at the dr's office and was so tuckered out by the trip to Amarillo that he has already gone to bed.  Blood test results will be back tomorrow.  He might need blood.

Christmas was actually a success if you ask my children.  Jeff's brother, Ron came and stayed with Jeff on Christmas Eve so I could take the kids to church and to my family Christmas.  Thank you, Ron!!!!  I needed a break and my kids needed Christmas traditions uninterrupted by cancer.  The biggest challange is my parents' fault.  They totally ruined me with magical childhood Christmas's.  And as an adult I feel the overwhelming need to recreated that for my kids.  And it is exhausting.  So Christmas Eve I stayed up all night checking on Jeff, wrapping and creating an unexpected snow. (that was the big joke, that I got my kids snow for Christmas).  I was so blessed to have my Mom and Dad come over Christmas morning.  Because by then I would have been in tears to carry on by myself.  With their help we had a wonderful breakfast, enthusiasm and of course the Christmas spirit.  Thank you Mom and Daddy!!!  It all worked and my kids are blessed and happy.  What more can you ask for?

And now I am in collapse mode.  Lots of couch time, TV time and napping.  I don't know when I will recover.

Thank you for all the love you are sending our way.  We need it!  Christmas by definition is such a beginning.  But I think the aftermath is always a letdown instead.  Such a build up and then it's over.  I'm going to be very careful during this period of time.  Chemo is also over.  We will have to move on to a new phase.  Scans.  Decisions.  New realities. I'm sure we will need you more than ever.  I'll keep you updated on news as soon as we have it.

Two funny stories to share.
We found out today our Dr is in Fiji for two weeks.  We decided it's probably not a pleasure trip.  We think he must be a missionary doctor during all his days off.  He is healing the sick in poor countries.  Yeah right!

My kids enjoyed sledding in all the fun snow.  I told them the story of how my grandfather used to take us sledding when we were little in the pasture behind his house.  I told them how much I loved that memory.  My kids current method of sledding involves a plastice sled, two ropes and a four wheeler.  Later after they got in Gracie said, "Mom, how did Grandfather pull you on your sled when you were a little girl?  With horses?" 
Is she mixing me up with Jingle Bells - In a one horse open sleigh?  How old does she think I am?

Peace and Love and Holding on,
Jeff and Leta

Christmas Eve in the hospital

We never made it home last night and I can't even begin to tell you how sad I was. Jeff was kind of out of it so he didn't care. His Interleuken ended at 4:00 and they started the process of discharging him. But by 5:30 he had spiked a fever and had violent chills. They gave more Tylenol but his fever hit 103.2 and his oxygen level was low. So we all finally realized home was not the best place to be. They reaccessed his port and they've been pouring in fluids. After midnight his fever finally started to go down. I just kissed his forehead and it was nice and cool. Whew!

The doctor on call is someone we've never met. We will have to wait for him to come by and discharge us. I have no idea what time he does rounds. The nurses said he's very nice but is nearly 4000 years old and is slow getting around. We'll sneak out if we have to. Because what would they really do about that? Jail time?

I'm hoping to make it to Christmas Eve church tonight. It's a beautiful candlelight service. Ron said he would babysit Jeff so I could take the kids. I hope it all works out.

Funny story: I told Jeff he would need to be thinking of a prize to get me for taking such good care of him. He said he would get me anything I wanted. So I told him I wanted a romantic getaway weekend, just the two of us at some lovely location. And he said,"You know Leta, I've missed a lot of work. I really hate to take off anymore than I have to, especially for a whole weekend. Would you like me to buy you a house instead?" That man! Do you see what I have to deal with?

Merry Christmas,
Leta
Leta

Home!

The doctor said we could go home today! Relief is in the air. I just need some wine and a big cry and I'll be fine. They had to double Jeff's pain meds to get him comfortable. His fever is back up. But hopefully we can dope him up enough to convince him to get in the car for the hour ride home. It's the one time I'm sure he wishes we lived in town and not so far out in the country. It's going to be painful but I know he'll be more comfortable at home.

The doctor thinks once the Interleuken stops his fever will quickly go away. That's our prayer. He is the bravest man I know!

Love to you all,
Leta

Bah humbug

We were so wrong in thinking this round would be easier. It has been the absolute shits. How is that for Christmas language? (sorry Granny) They have not been able to keep Jeff's fever down. 102.9 on Tylenol. And now he has developed a horrible case of thrush in his mouth and throat. I checked the computer history to make sure he hadn't googled Dr.Kevorkian. It's approaching despair.

We are terrified he will have to stay in the hospital until his fever goes down. We'll see what the doctor says. Fever and chills are a very common side effect from the Interlueken. They don't think he has an infection. He's just responding to the medication. Last night when he was burning up I imagined that it was also burning up all the cancer cells.

Needless to say we are very weary. We are praying to be home in our own bed in sheets that are soft and smell good and are a perfect 98.6 degrees.

I'll keep you posted. We hope and pray everyone else is having a very merry Christmas.

Leta

Jeff had a long night last night. He is running a fever and has the chills. The nurses came in a lot to take his temp and take his blankets off to cool him down. Pure torture. Somehow I actually slept pretty good. I'm sure Jeff is mad at me because of that. But it is nice to be somewhat alert today.

Jeff's blood counts are holding steady. He won't need blood today. That's good news. Gracie and Jake came to visit yesterday and brought with them a ton of energy and joy that we needed. Jeff doesn't want to make them feel uncomfortable seeing him hooked up to stuff and looking sick. But they don't see that. They love their Daddy so much - he's just see their Daddy. They crawled right into bed with him and snuggled all over him and talked about everything. It looked like a bed full of puppies. Ahhhhh! Cheered us both up. Thank you God for children!

Mom called and said Luke is also running a fever. She is trying to mother him but he is resisting. He woke up with a fever but went out to work cattle because he told his Daddy he would. One of Lukes best traits is his loyalty. We are so proud of him - most of the time, he is 16.

The doctor told us yesterday that Jeff can go home Friday afternoon when his treatment is over. That is wonderful news for us! Getting home a day early and before Christmas Eve is a true gift. So just about 30 hours to go. Yippee!

Merry Christmas,
Jeff and Leta

Onward

Jeff is finally asleep after a restless night and day. He describes the feeling as having the flu. Headache, body aches and fever. His one wish is for a hot bath. But that will have to wait until we get home. Only showers here. He had some great visitors today. I noticed that he was in the conversations at first but then loses strength and gets quiet. He says he loves to sit and listen to the happy chatter around him but not have to participate. Distractions are always welcome. His brother Ron visits everyday. They are two social peas in a pod. Quiet but always listening. Loyal to the end. Brotherly love is a strong bond. Certainly stronger than cancer.

Jeff's hemoglobin dropped overnight and he will probably have to get blood this week. I'd like to offer up a humble thanks to all the people out there that donate blood. It is truly a wonderful life giving gift. Many thanks!

The blizzard missed us, thankfully. Just a little snow and cold. We are tucked into our little room wrapped up in our special quilts. Our room is decorated with little trees, a country snowman and lots of Christmas lights. Our kids are out of school and I hope they get to visit their Daddy tomorrow. All we need now is sweet dreams.

Merry Christmas,
Jeff and Leta

Rough start

Our morning started off great. We got a lot of rain and it was a perfectly muddy mess that would cheer up any farmer out there. We called the dr and they said everything was a go. When we got to the dr we found out that Dr Patel is out of town for 2 weeks. Seriously? And then his nurse told us that Jeff will not be taking all of the chemo. He will take the Interleuken and Interferon but not the 3 other kinds of chemo. Wish our doctor was there so we could ask some questions. The nurse explained that Jeff's blood counts are still low. His platelets finally reached 100 but his hemoglobin and white count had both dropped a little. Further treatment with those three chemo drugs could permanently damage Jeff's bone marrow. Well of course we don't want that to happen but we really wish Jeff's dr could have taken the time to discuss that with us.

But moving on we are at the hospital. We are waiting to start treatment. The two drugs Jeff is taking are the serious ones that require him to be monitored while he gets them. We have been waiting over 2 hours to start but just got word that they lost his blood sample. They're looking for it. Really? Everyone is starting to piss us off! And I even brought everyone Christmas cookies. My friend Missy told me a great quote her Dad told her. "People this time of year just need a good ole Christian ass whipping." Yes Pops they do. I just don't want to be the one who has to smack the Christmas spirit into them.

We are praying this Round - The Final Round goes easier than all the others. Maybe Jeff won't be so sick. Maybe he can enjoy Christmas with his family. Maybe this chemo is killing all the cancer. Maybe we will have the best nurses everyday all week. Maybe the blizzard won't be so bad. Maybe we'll all get through this. Maybe we'll be okay. Maybe.

Still in the Christmas spirit,
Jeff and Leta

Ready or not

We are preparing for tomorrow. It will be Round 6 - The Final Round. Jeff had blood work on Thursday and when we called on Friday to get his results the Dr's office was already closed for the day. Huh! So we are guessing his blood levels were ok or they would have called. Slightly frustrating because I like a very clear cut plan. It's the kind of thing that if it doesn't work out I will probably lay on the floor and have a giant fit! I'm sure it will be okay.

Jeff had a good week. He did a lot of work. His horses are fat and fresh from lack of riding. So he tried to ride a lot. I was worried they might be too fresh and he might get bucked off but he wasn't worried. Real cowboys like a horse like that. Not me! But I'm not a cowboy - at all! But I'm thrilled that Jeff was happy to be "back in the saddle".

Jeff hit his cap on his prescription drugs. I didn't even know we had a cap. And since there is only two weeks left in the year I wasn't that worried. Wrong!!! Jeff's new miracle anti nausea patch was $1200. Yikes! But we were blessed to be able to afford it. But how come extra stuff like that always happens during the holidays? Our health insurance has been wonderful! We are so thankful to not worry about medical bills. How do people do it? How do they worry about cancer and bills? We are so blessed. We say it everyday. We hope you do too.

The weatherman says there is a blizzard approaching. Oh my! But you never know if they will be right or not. Mom and Daddy are staying with the kids so I told them to bring all their warm winter gear. I hope we don't lose our power or have our road get blown shut with snow drifts. I think they're ready for an adventure! I'm going to be one of those crazy people that goes to the store for a ton of groceries.

On an emotional level we are making it one day at a time. Anxiety can be crippling when we think of chemo ending and new scans. And then what? So we are trying to focus on the task today. We are scared to death. But we are hopeful and faithful. We are full of love for one another, our children, family and friends. I'll keep you posted during chemo. Katie and Sally are coming to decorate Jeff's hospital room all Christmasy. He has grown to love a girly touch.

Much love,
Jeff and Leta

Out and About

Jeff and I had a wonderful weekend.  Jeff has decided to make the most of his extra week before Round 6 - The Final Round.  Even though his counts are low, his white count has been up and he has been able to get out of the house and be around people.  So on Sunday we loaded up and headed to church as a family.  The Christmas Pageant was presented as the sermon.  This year Jake was Joseph.  I'm so so happy that Jeff was able to attend.  It was a great morning.  And that afternoon my Mom's side of the family gathered for our family Christmas.  It was loud, crazy and absolutely wonderful.  Jeff was able to stay the entire time. When we got home he was tired but felt regenerated to participate in such an annual tradition.  I love my family!  Repeat, I love my family!!

Today has been cloudy and misting rain - a farmer's dream!  Jeff rode a horse yesterday and turned out some wheat pasture cattle.  He said he had to lay down in his pick up for a rest before he drove home but he did it!  He also got to watch Gracie play basketball last night.  It was the first of her games that he has been able to go to this season.  She played great and scored a couple of times and they won their game.   He was pumped that he got to see that! Winning is always more fun.

Jeff has more blood work on Thursday.  He should be on track to start chemo next Monday. 

One last thing.  Please keep Jeff's niece, Rachel in your prayers.  She is having surgery tomorrow.  Her battle with cancer rages on.  She is one of the good ones!  On facebook  she requested prayer for 2 people she met today that are also having cancer surgery tomorrow. I can't say enough good things about her and David.  I'm praying for her cure!

Feeling blessed and smiling about LaLa the dog,
Jeff and Leta

Delay

Jeff had his blood test today and also ended up getting a chest x ray.  He has been short of breath lately and has the sensation that it hurts to breathe deeply.  Now in our minds we know that those are probably chemo related side effects but our minds are a little warped and we skip right to the worse scenerio.  The good news is Jeff's chest x ray was completely normal and his blood counts are up!  What a relief.  But when the nurse called to give us the results she said that the doctor doesn't want to start chemo on Monday as planned.  His counts are up but not really high enough.  It kind of bummed us out because we have been psyching up for Monday but we know it's the right thing to do.  We want him to be as strong and healthy as possible as he heads into Round 6 - The Final Round!!!  We hope that it doesn't ooze into Christmas but if it does we can handle it.  Our number one priority is Jeff and his health.  We can make it work.

The really good news is we get Jeff home for one more week.  His white count is up so he can go out a little and eat out! Yippee!  This is the time when he feels a little better and wants to do some things.  (Like I need him to fix some things but I don't think he wants a Honey Do List)  I hope he gets to spend some time outdoors with the kids.  That's his favorite thing to do.

We are getting more and more into the Christmas spirit.  The kids help with that part.  We are feeling the love and support from everyone. Blessed, we are!  Hope is starting to warm us up and we're waiting for enthusiasm to start flowing. I'm not going to send out Christmas cards this year but I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  I wish we could personally let everyone know how much they mean to us.  I find myself saying "I love you" more, to friends and not just family.  Life is precious and we want to live it and enjoy it as much as we can.  Christmas is so beautiful and can't be marred even by cancer and chemo.

So here is my Christmas card to you all.  Thank you for the love that you have given to us.  The greatest gift of love started in a manger and is still spreading through us all.  I hope it touches you and your family during the Christmas season.

Love,
Jeff and Leta and Luke and Gracie and Jake

Destruction

I feel like I should be posting more but there is not too much to report right now.  We are home and Jeff is doing a lot of "nothing" which is driving him crazy and ultimately driving me crazy.  This is not our normal dynamic and we can't get into a groove.  Jeff's blood counts are still very low. Which means he feels crappy and can't be around people because of the risk of infection. So no Christmas parties for us! Usually by this time he has started to rally.  His blood test on Thursday showed his platelets and white counts are continuing to drop.  The chemo is doing it's job and is destroying everything in it's path.  Gotta love it, gotta hate it.  We go back on Monday for another blood test to see if Jeff has hit bottom and is on his way back to normal.  His last round of chemo is due to start December 12th.  His platelets need to be well over 100 and he is hovering at 17.  I'm not sure what will happen.  But Jeff and I love to play the scenerio game.  In fact it is probably the number reason we are driving each crazy!  If one more person tells me that everything happens for a reason............  Well it is the Christmas season so I'm sure I'll have to restrain myself.  We would love to finish Jeff's last round of chemo before Christmas.  But I suppose there is a possibility of starting it after Christmas.  You know how I love to have a plan and stick to it.  Cancer and chemo must not have gotten the memo.
Our house is decorated for Christmas and we are attempting to put on a happy face.  When I think about it we are really happy to have made it this far.  We are so close to finishing this treatment.  Please forgive our fussiness and irritability.  We really are thankful.  Really. 

Jeff and Leta