The kids and I just returned from the San Antonio Stock Show. Two weeks before that we were at the Ft Worth Stock Show. It has been great fun - a total escape from reality. I didn't realize how much we needed to get away. We were away from our regular routine and the feeling of just having to get through a day. Things were new and everything was different and no one gave us that "sad, I feel sorry for you" look. It was bliss! And we were thankful for that break.
The kids have done pretty good showing their sheep. Gracie made the sale at SA. Of course we were trying to make sure that happened for Luke since he's a senior but it didn't turn out that way. His lamb did get pulled by the judge but didn't place high enough to make the sale. He handled it like a champ. We are counting it as a success for the Smith Family!
Jake was a wild ten year old boy most of the time and drove us crazy. Until he really had to work and pay attention and then he did and he was positively adorable! I took some beautiful pictures of him showing his sheep. And for three seconds I started to forward it to Jeff. Because that's what I do every year. He's still with us all the time. Even when we are escaping from reality.
We got home and it's almost worse than when we left. Because he's still not here. It doesn't feel quite right. It's not 100% home. We are wanting that feeling. We need the "Ah, it's good to be home." We need it to be just right. We need it to feel comforting, cozy and safe. It does a little but not enough.
So that's where we are, trying to be happy and normal but still grieving so much. I think we are healing. We are still able to love a lot so I think that's a good sign. And I watch my kids accept the love and kindness from others. It's just like dessert. Yes, I'd like some more!
Houston Stock show is in three weeks. Yippee!
Leta
